So, a week before my second chemo, the inevitable has happened. My hair has started to come out. For the first time, while in the shower this morning, I noticed small clumps come out while I was washing my hair. I thought I was being gentle and kind and using the right sort of shampoo to keep my hair as long as I could; but you can’t fight what was always going to happen at some point.
I think I hoped it might last a bit longer, at least until after my second session with the Red Devil. I thought I’d prepared so well - especially as I had all my long hair chopped off at the start of the year, bought a wig, stocked up on scarves…….
But nope - it’s on its way out, to return at a point as yet unknown.
And now, I don’t know what to do. My plan was, at this point, to just brave the shave and get rid. Take control. Be in charge of something during this shitshow. But now, having just unconsciously tucked my (short) hair behind my ear only to find a clump of it in my hand, I don’t know if I want to brave the shave. Yet.
I know the time will come - but should I wait until I have actual visible bald spots? Should I use pins and clips to cover up the slightly thinner areas on my head? Or should I just face facts, and take back control. I honestly thought I would just know what I wanted to do at this point - and I don’t.
I have three hospital appointments this week, before the 2nd round on Friday. Can I just wear a hat? Or a head scarf (even if I have some hair left)? Argh! As if there isn’t enough going on right now.
For the briefest of moments, I thought I was in charge. I am not. Cancer is.
Fuck you Cancer
