Chemo was cancelled on Thursday as bloods too low again. They were only 1 and need to be 1.5 so I get a week off, oh joy. So why does the pain start? I dont get it. I have excruxiating pain in the lower part of my back and my tummy area. I even dipped into my liquid morphine today which I've been putting off. Will go to the GP as I dont think I could wait another three weeks before my next CT scan to see if somethings wrong. I know I over did it with race for life and going out with friends enjoying myself and having wine but you need to live a little while you fight this battle.
I am on anti-biotics for a gammy toe so maybe its just that interfering with my system.
I hate feeling bad after feeling so good and normal for so long. Didnt make it to work today and wont go in tomorrow either, thank god wimbledon has started, te he, can watch it all this week and enjoy.
I shall contact my Macmillan nurse in the morning and ask about the oromorph as I dont feel confident taking too much of it, the pain is obviously happening for a reason and your mind works at 100mph.
My poor hubby feels useless as he cant do anything but he does enough just being there for me. He is great.
My positive mental attitude has been great so far and really pulled me through but I read other stories of people going for surgery and I feel a tad jealous as I might not get that chance. If chemo doesnt work what else will they offer me? How long can they keep me alive for. I am realistic in the fact that the cancer will probably kill me one day but I dont want it to be so soon. I want more time but sometimes I just feel so doubtful that I'm not as lucky as I thought I was.
One of the girls at race for life had a t shirt on with the slogan "I am a survivor" on her back. I told my friends I want one of those for next years race and I really hope to so fingers crossed. I dont want this bastard to beat me but feel a little feeble at the moment. I have no appetite and no motivation to cook for other people.
I think I'm just having a dark day, sorry to depress anyone reading this but you gotta take the bad along with the good. Everyone knows what the dark thoughts are like but I can understand what people say when they want to be pain free, whatever it takes.
I hope the pains are my cancer shrinking and disappearing from my system - thats a better thought. Bloods again on Wednesday and hopefully chemo on Thursday, this will be cycle six and to be honest I havent had too rough a ride on the chemo. They only want to go eight cycles though so lets watch this space.
I have ordered two books of amazon tonight, one about the best foods to eat while fighting cancer and the other one is about 50 things to do when you've been diagnosed so hopefully they can give me some tips.
I could do with a cook and a cleaner and an ironer if anyone has any energy or time...............
Hope to be back on Thursday with some good news x x
Joanne
You’ve probably overdone things a tad, what with the race for life and going out. Also, the antibiotics can cause stomach problems, they do with me at any rate. The best thing to do, as you say, is to see your GP if only to put your mind at rest and to get some pain relief sorted. You say you’ve got a gammy toe. It’s not infected is it, as that might cause all sorts of pains?
It’s understandable to feel down occasionally, especially after you were feeling so good, but this is just a setback and I’m sure you’ll bounce right back in the next few days. We all get these dark days, and they really can be bad, but I know you’re a fighter and also a lady with a mission, and that mission is to wear the Survivor’s t shirt. So, give your body a break for now, watch Wimbledon and come back fighting with your invincible PMA.
sorry you're feeling down today, we are here for good and bad news, you've over done, heyyy what a race!!! good for you girl.
2006-2007 i was in a lot of pain i was taking anything given to me.
i never liked to take pills but sometime we have too, pains are awful to live with,give it a go it will give you a break.
watch out for the morphine as it is addict, is a good stuff though!!
if you have to take it make sure when the time comes of coming off it, it will be slow.
when i had my op- the hospital stopped it too quickly, i was wild as a tiger, when they realized the reason for it!!! had to had morphine patches till i was not addict to it anymore.
Hi Dizzy wench - pains! Jeez, I've had pains ever since I had my 2 ops last year. Drives me insane. One doctor says nerve damage, one says it's lesion in the liver causing it, another says it's the chemo! I know how you're feeling, it plays havoc with your mind. I get pains in my hip area (had tumour removed from my pelvic bone) and I walk up and down in different types of walk to see if it hurts. I must look like a total nutcase. Please try not to worry too much - (impossible I know) I'm sure my pains are worse when I'm stressed or upset. Also, I was taking Oramorph, but made me soo constipated, so doctors put me on Amitriptaline, and that has helped. Good luck, Jeanie xx
You have done fantastic doing the Race for Life, and you sound like a right go getter! You wouldn't be normal if you didnt have bad days, i'm sure you'll have more good days than bad. My husband has been having really bad shoulder pains, I'm sure it the chemo though as it happened last time and then went off after a few days. I recon its cause the chemo is kicking its ass and the cancer is trying to get its own back. There's no competition! We rule!!!!
Hi Joanne, hope your feeling a little better today, you have been an inspiration to me throughout this last 7 weeks my dad has the same as you inoperable with lymphs involved etc. I have followed your blogs you did fantastic in the race for life, i'm sure all your family are very proud. i'm off work sick myself at the moment with cardiac probs and stress so i'm a bit bored, if I lived nearer i would be quite happy to clean, but I don't do ironing and I don't think you would like my cooking lol.
