What is it about Xmas that makes me a snivelling wreck? I was driving home today from the shops when I put the radio on and one of the Xmas songs I love came on - the old sort of Phil Spector 'Baby please come home', you know it?
So I started singing along, and felt ok - looking forward to Xmas, have my son and daughter-in-law, my mum, my hubby, dog, and our best friends and their old dad coming - then, suddenly, I'm crying instead of singing. Suddenly, the sheer horror we faced this year hit me again, as it sometimes does. And the thought that we could face worse in the years to come. It's as if the Grim Reaper suddenly punches me in the stomach. But worse was to come.
I got home and one of my closest friends rang me (she's had a horrible year - husband run off with someone else, not paying her any maintenance etc) and she told me that her lovely younger brother, who had a drink problem, killed himself last week. I can't begin to imagine what her parents are going through, knowing their son was so unhappy he took his own life.
And now I've seen a item on the news about the 'Hero's awards' on telly tonight, and the mums who've lost their young sons in Afghanistan/Iraq, and my eyes well up again.
I am actually looking forward to Xmas day this year - after all, I'm still here, my boy is still here, and happy, and I'm going to be with the people I love most.
But I'm well aware of the sadness of a lot of people, for whatever reason, whether it be illness, or war, accident or just relationship breakdown. Don't really know what my point is!!!! But just feel very emotional at the moment.
Anyone feel the same? xx
