It's been happening to me a lot that ever since I was diagnosed with cancer, people just seem to know exactly what my physical status is. For example a few days ago, my best friend's ex-bf contacted me on the msn messenger, to ask me how am I doing. My best friend has fibromyalgia and after much consideration he decided that he can't marry her because he's scared of taking care of her for the rest of their lives, so he broke up with her 2 months ago and since then I haven't seen him or heard from him.
So anyways, I answered "fine, how are you?". So he kept on asking, "no how are you really?"
I answered everything's ok. And then I finally understood what he was really asking 'how's your cancer doing?'
So I went into detail : bone scan came out very good, it showed that the treatment is working out for me, there were less tumors and some decrease in size, and then there's the blood test which showed some increase in one of the markers - ca-125 which I don't know if it's significant I have to ask the onc. And it was so weird for me that he really wanted to know all these details, that I am actually fed up with keeping track of them.
Also, a month ago at the holiday (passover which is around easter), my ex-bf called to say happy holidays and.... how am I doing, and then asking again so I gave him the full info about test results etc. etc.
He broke up with me in a horrible way last November. We had an argument and then he disappeared, he wouldn't call, he didn't answer my phone calls for 2 weeks until I sent him a text urging him to tell me what he wants to do from here on. He finally called and it took some time and lots of nervous pauses for him to tell me it was over. We dated for 10 months and we knew each other for years. And then he calls me to ask how I'm doing and how's the cancer doing. I guess I wouldn't mind going over my physical status with people who genuinely care for me and are there for me at good times as well as bad times. I really don't know why I even care. I think I'll erase this post later, it doesn't make much sense.
FormerMember
You get it off your chest nobody on this site minds if it doesn't have to make sense, Anyway I understood what your on about.
I am very open with my cancer and treatment - if you have read my blogs you will know. The worst one that I have got is a woman whose husband died of bowel cancer. After his diagnosis he went to pieces, refused to go out and just faded away. She never stops to have a go with my wife Irene. "How is he then " she will ask when I am there. Ask him yourself she will respond. She crticises Irene because she doesn't come with me to consultations or radiotherapy. Was disgusted that Irene dared to go out when I got hospitalised with an infection.Says I can't be on chemtherapy because I manage to go out and live a farily normal life. There is another one who keeps asking my son for the truth when I have told him the truth. I have told him that my radiotherapy worked extremely well and they are bringing surgery forward. I have had my scans and have no secondaries. "Yes but what's REALLY happening. I need to know!" Just let them get on with it. YOU know the truth. If they want to criticise or don't believe you then tough. There is a psychological condition known as naive projection where someone who has a fear of something will try and impose it on someone else. They will not believe that you are responding well to treatment becasue they fear the illness itself. Others are just morbidly curious. Good luck and don't let the illigitimate ones grind you down and don't hesitate to use this site again.
Thank you DREW for giving me a new perspective. naive projection ? I never heard of this term, but I like it. :-)
It's not relevant to my ex nor my best friend's ex, but it's true for that best friend of mine. She keeps asking me if I feel my clock is ticking, and keeps bringing up the fact that since I have only a few more years left I should spend my time wisely. I don't even know what that means. It's not like I'm going to do something drastic with my life like in all those movies where the main character receives news that he has 6 more months to live and suddenly he's jumping bungy and climbing mount everest. I'm not going to do that.
Thank you NORMALLY. You gave me an idea how to answer all those curious people who must know how exactly I'm doing. I wonder how they'll react if I'll say that I'm crap. hmmm.....
I'm scared that if I'll say that I'm crap I'll start feeling crap.
Thanks SHELLY for understanding me when I can't even understand myself. I just wanted to write down my thoughts and make some sense of it. What I love about this website is that there are so many people here in different points in life and different stages of cancer, and even when it's all crap, they laugh about it and go on living their life.
