Hi,
This my first post here so let's see how it goes.
I'm an Israeli living with metastatic breast cancer with lots and lots of mets to the bones. I've started treatment 15 months ago and things are going fine. Within this time I learned how to talk about my cancer without crying about it especially when people ask
"When are you supposed to finish treatment?" - Never
"Never? So You're going to keep doing it for years and years? How long does your onc give you?"
- Statistically when there's mets, patients can live up to 10 years.
"Oh I'm so sorry for you."
It doesn't really get easier to talk about it, I just don't have any more tears so spare on that subject.
I can understand how some people want to know all the details about my illness, as I am a curious person myself.
However, I can't understand those people who treat me differently after they find out I have cancer.
For example, last week I was in some alternative clinic, in order to find something to relieve the pain in the joints( shoulders, neck,...) and I needed to be examined by a doctor before going in to the acupuncturist (standard procedure). The doc was late, so I finally knocked on the door and when received no answer I came in. I found her there with a patient and immediately closed the door. When the doctor finally was ready to see me, she was angry at me for opening the door and of course I mentioned her being rude for not seeing me on time(I get rude when I'm in so much pain). Anyways, she started asking questions regarding my physical status and I told her about breast cancer and mets and pain all over from the cancer and from the treatment. All of a sudden this woman started being nice to me, she said sorry for being angry at me, and became compassionate all of a sudden. The change was so huge, I couldn't believe it.
This was the fastest change of attitude I got, but there were other people in my life who have become nicer to me because they learned of my "situation". My big brother who was never a friend of mine has become my friend. When we were children we used to fight, he would hit, I'd try to bite and scratch him and that was how we were. When we grew up it didn't get any better, we just didn't have any relationship, and met only on family dinners on holidays. And now... I get a phone call from him once in a while, and when I meet him on those family dinners he asks how am I doing, how do I feel. It sounds like very small gestures, but for us, it's huge.
I don't know how I feel about this. I appreciate it that some people have compassion for my situation, but I'd rather people will like me because of who I am and not because I was very unfortunate to be misdiagnosed and therefore forced to live with cancer for the rest of my life.
FormerMember
Hi, My name is Jill, diagnosed with stage 4 cancer in my kidney, had radical nephrectomy, but have mets in my neck, have been told i could have weeks months or even years depending how my body responds to the chemo. Fortunately for me it is reducing the size of the tumours in the neck, but not without horrible side effects!! But on reply to your dilema with people being so nice to you, I have found the same! bizarre! The problem i suppose is I look perfectly well, and until they know your ill, people become extra nice, and when they find out how seriously ill you are they back track and become sorry for you!! I also gave up crying, as it got everyone around me down, and put my energy into trying to smile! It seems to be working a bit, but understand what you mean in your statement! lol! Anyway you take care.
I understand perfectly what you are saying. What I will say, is learn to use it to your advantage. In that I mean, you have already made progress with your relaionship with your brother. Cancer is huge, it can build bridges, make relationships and draw people to you that you normally wouldnt think of talking to, I've found in that aspect it has enhanced my life.
Well I am sorry you have cancer of course, that goes without saying. But, I am glad that and your brother are getting on better. I guess we were lucky in our family because although everyone wanted to know how my husband was, they tried to treat him normally(which I know some found very difficult). You are right though, in general people do treat you differently when they hear of your illness. (Maybe because they feel guilty in some way, I don't know). I wish you good luck and hope the treatment works well for you
my sisters call it using my sick note, cos when people fin out you havent got long to live they usually are very nice to ,which can be to your advantage, lol, but isnt it wonderfull when no one knows, now my hair has grown back a bit i can get away with looking normal and i love it. i`m sure you love your brother and he loves you, and what has happened has made him realise that hes wasted time and wants to spend whatever time he can with you. i am very lucky i have a very large close family, and i am so glad we are making memories to keep them going after i am gone, hope you dont have it too bad with your treatment. liz xx
