Hi,
This my first post here so let's see how it goes.
I'm an Israeli living with metastatic breast cancer with lots and lots of mets to the bones. I've started treatment 15 months ago and things are going fine. Within this time I learned how to talk about my cancer without crying about it especially when people ask
"When are you supposed to finish treatment?" - Never
"Never? So You're going to keep doing it for years and years? How long does your onc give you?"
- Statistically when there's mets, patients can live up to 10 years.
"Oh I'm so sorry for you."
It doesn't really get easier to talk about it, I just don't have any more tears so spare on that subject.
I can understand how some people want to know all the details about my illness, as I am a curious person myself.
However, I can't understand those people who treat me differently after they find out I have cancer.
For example, last week I was in some alternative clinic, in order to find something to relieve the pain in the joints( shoulders, neck,...) and I needed to be examined by a doctor before going in to the acupuncturist (standard procedure). The doc was late, so I finally knocked on the door and when received no answer I came in. I found her there with a patient and immediately closed the door. When the doctor finally was ready to see me, she was angry at me for opening the door and of course I mentioned her being rude for not seeing me on time(I get rude when I'm in so much pain). Anyways, she started asking questions regarding my physical status and I told her about breast cancer and mets and pain all over from the cancer and from the treatment. All of a sudden this woman started being nice to me, she said sorry for being angry at me, and became compassionate all of a sudden. The change was so huge, I couldn't believe it.
This was the fastest change of attitude I got, but there were other people in my life who have become nicer to me because they learned of my "situation". My big brother who was never a friend of mine has become my friend. When we were children we used to fight, he would hit, I'd try to bite and scratch him and that was how we were. When we grew up it didn't get any better, we just didn't have any relationship, and met only on family dinners on holidays. And now... I get a phone call from him once in a while, and when I meet him on those family dinners he asks how am I doing, how do I feel. It sounds like very small gestures, but for us, it's huge.
I don't know how I feel about this. I appreciate it that some people have compassion for my situation, but I'd rather people will like me because of who I am and not because I was very unfortunate to be misdiagnosed and therefore forced to live with cancer for the rest of my life.
FormerMember
I hope that the chemo will kill all the cancer cells and have you living for years and years.
People give you a closer look when you say you have cancer. They try to find clues that the person in front of them is sick. I blame TV for that.
Crying is no good, but I at first I needed to grieve on my life, my chronic condition. Now I am free to enjoy what is left, God only knows how long that is.
I'd say that it makes you more aware that you could lose this person from your life, and you want to make the most of them while they are still here.
My cancer improved my family relationships, but I had let them slacken out of "independence" so it was my fault they weren't all that good.
One surprise was that a friend became seriously frightened when I told him I was going in for surgery, and he and his family have been really supportive of me. They send me cards, presents, you name it. Their daughter is dying of cancer, and has been incommunicado ever since I have known them, but they are all rootiing for me. Maybe because I have a good chance. I'm in remission now, but maybe it won't last.
You're finished with cancer and it's not coming back!
I agree that my brother might be feeling that way. And I think that he might be the only person in my family who really gets it and understands that it's most likely that I won't recover from cancer.
My mother still believes that I'm going to get better and in a year or two I'd get back my period and become a mother. She really believes that. My sister too.
What I believe will happen? I don't know. I'm hoping for the best, fearing the worst. In my profile, I couldn't describe my cancer as terminal. It sounds so definite, so horrible. I prefer to define it "in treatment". I'm getting treatment, and we'll see how it goes.
I think that generally my family is treating me normally. Except that they won't let me lift something heavy (I broke one vertebra from cancer and that's enough). I think my family treats me normally because I still have my hair and I don't look sick. I am glad my brother and I finally have a relationship. It's about time.
