Haven’t blogged for a while now. I think I had been running on autopilot for the four months, it seems more like years, that G has been having his treatment in Germany. Then, after being told that the tumour is clinically dead, to have him being rushed into hospital with acute kidney failure just when we thought he could look forward to a period of remission, has bought home to me just how fragile his the situation is. He is not cured, and we have no idea how long the remission period will be. Now, I feel physically and mentally drained. This vile disease has changed G so much. He copes by denying he is ill, and has become so introspective, and distant that I feel l have lost the man he was, and now there is a stranger in his place. We spent Christmas with our daughter and her family. It was so nice to be with our grandchildren but the unspoken question as to whether G would be with us next year hung over us. I found it so difficult to keep up a pretence of being happy for everyone, when what I rally wanted was to have a good cry.
Until now, I have managed to be fairly positive and take things a day at a time: suddenly it is all too much.
FormerMember
Hi Daffie,
I know how you feel as when my husband was diagnosed I felt he totally pushed me away! Hang in there and try and be strong as you have obviously been up to now.
Hi Daffie & Stacey - I'm right there with you both. I wonder how many other spouse/caregivers are experiencing this same phenomenon. It's so Cold where we are.
Thank you, Lucy Lee, for your comments. They are helpful.
lucylee how can i put this? I know your comments were well meant.I have done nothing but put myself in G's place for eighteen months now. Life has been one long rollercoaster of hopes and disappointments. I have no support. Everything is directed at G and no one seems to appreciate that little by little, the cancer is killing me too. I am mentally and physically exhausted.
There is an expression in one of the world's great religions: "Take Care of the Caregiver".
The Caregiver cannot be forgotten, otherwise the whole thing falls apart. Are you doing things for yourself? Do you have family or friends around to lend their support? You cannot do this alone. I have found that the people on this site have helped me enormously. They just about saved my life. We are here for each other. I have sent you a "friend" request.
