Haven’t blogged for a while now. I think I had been running on autopilot for the four months, it seems more like years, that G has been having his treatment in Germany. Then, after being told that the tumour is clinically dead, to have him being rushed into hospital with acute kidney failure just when we thought he could look forward to a period of remission, has bought home to me just how fragile his the situation is. He is not cured, and we have no idea how long the remission period will be. Now, I feel physically and mentally drained. This vile disease has changed G so much. He copes by denying he is ill, and has become so introspective, and distant that I feel l have lost the man he was, and now there is a stranger in his place. We spent Christmas with our daughter and her family. It was so nice to be with our grandchildren but the unspoken question as to whether G would be with us next year hung over us. I found it so difficult to keep up a pretence of being happy for everyone, when what I rally wanted was to have a good cry.
Until now, I have managed to be fairly positive and take things a day at a time: suddenly it is all too much.
