How do I prepare myself?

hi catherine sending big  hugs to u

i was in simular situation with my mother not knowing what was really happening , im not even sure how accurate timings given by medics are as my mother lost her battle  6months before our gp was expecting her to even he was shocked in here change of condition, i lost my partner last june way way before i was ready (not sure ur ever "ready") BUT i also know of many many people who have proved thier medics wrong and are here to tell the tale

have u asked the hospice staff  what they treating him as, its a very hard question to even think about let alone say out loud i know but if u know what they thinking you better prepered , not knowing the treatment plan they following often causes as much if not more distress than knowing what you are facing i had many sleepness nights asking myself before facing the staff and asking them, i eventually asked them to be brutally honest with me and tell me exactly what they thinking as and wen plans changed was extremely tough at times but that way ur not left wondering and i was then involed in all meetings medics had

message me if u need to xx

Talk to him, sit with him,  tell him you love him,  tell him everything you feel you want to tell him. Don't ever give up hope that he may feel better, you and the doctors never really know our future.

Try not to dwell on the what if's but live with him for the now. Laugh, cry do whatever feels right for you even if it is to just sit and hold hands with him.

I know I would just want my loved ones close by in times like this.

I wish I could say more to help but we can only do what feels right at the time. xxxx

all anyone can do ill or fit and healthy is make the most of everyday and enjoy the good times....as my 3 specialists have told me they are not mystics or gods..they have been know to be wrong when they start saying 2 years or whatever....2 years can run to much much longer, and yes it can be shorter as well..

i allways think i never knew when i was fit and healthy when i would die and i still dont now....so whats the difference ? but thats the way i think !  

porkies right, dont think about the whats or the ifs , that will just make you go half crazy....one day at a time....

your dad may seem really ill at times it happens like that to some of us and then a week or so later we can look alot better.....

if your dad has a mac nurse he / she is the best person to have a chat with if you have any fears or worrys....often they have more time to sit down and talk things over with patients and carers..

we all hope on here your dad will pick up and he will have lots of good days to come.....

im a bit different to porkie in so much as when i am feeling bad i dont want anyone around me...i dont let anyone come with me when i have treatment. though i have friends who will take me and bring me back...

just let your dad your allways there and he can talk to you about anything he wants at anytime...

see some of us just hate to talk about things...i know i dont...id rather talk about footy , my footy bets, or the new ps3 game etc....having said that i know i can talk about things if i ever need to or want to....

its allways hard isnt it because we are all so different...iv said more to a few good friends on here then i have said to anyone in the real world away from this site...away from here the most i let / want anyone who knows is its ok if they ask if i am ok.....but they all know my reply will be im fine and thats as far as it goes.....then again some people like to talk about things....

as long as your dad knows he can talk anytime he wants to i think things should go ok...give him a hug for me...talk about the things he likes....

all the best anyway....hugs  

Thanks for all your kind words and advice, I really appreciate it!

I spoke to the sister at the hospice today and asked her to tell me how it is. She said she can't put a time limit on things but I need to know my dad is very poorly indeed.  Which I knew but thought it was just a case of abit of tlc and he would soon improve, which she said he might as they are going to try him on steroids.  I've just got to take one day at a time and do whatever dad wants me to I suppose. This just isn't what I expected, I don't know what I expected maybe I thought there would be more time to think about it. xx

She also told me that my dad has weeks rather than months which was hard to hear but has made me realise I need to cherish everyday.

Its difficult to know exactly where to start as this is such a personal journey.  I was told xmas eve 2008 that my dad had advaced kidney cancer  and there was nothing they could do.  They didn't give any time line but we expected only months.  He was lucky and got on to sutent which has kept him with us.  At the moment he is doing well and looks remarkably good considering but sutent will only prolong his life.  I have days when my head tells me time is running out but my heart simply cannot accept this, my dad will not discuss anything which is why i turned up here and have found great support amongst those who i have met.  I don't think you can "prepare" yourself as such but let you dad know that you love him in any way that you can and if you get the opportunity to talk then take it, even if its about silly things. Cherish every day that you have and know that here you can off load those feelings and emotions that you cannot reveal to your family.