As I have previously said, things are very difficult with my Family
I live alone in near Leeds and they are in up North.
I deliberately moved away to go to Uni as I was already sure I needed distance between us, even at the tender age of 18.
This whole illness thing has possibly exagerated the cracks and tensions between us.
Only told my Sister in the beginning and she was initially quite supportive but then just seemed to forget and we had very little contact, not even the odd text.
Told my Folks when I knew I was going to have treatment, I insisted they do not tell people but they were not understanding of this and wanted to tell everyone, I believe they wanted to have the sympathy vote and hold court with the Family "ring round" thing. This was immensely upsetting as they have done this before when I have been ill with chest problems etc. They thrived on the support from others and almost adopted the sick role themselves, yet they rarely even bothered to pass on good wishes from the caller.
Insisted they DO NOT do this, but they got very angry and annoyed and were really hostile. Surely I am entitled to handle this my way?? They are angry as to why I hadn't told them in the first place and the resentment between us is huge now.
They are completely missing the point, didn't want to worry them as we just don't really get on anyway. Was also trying to spare them additional worry, they are not well themselves. I have always done things my own way since I moved away and am fiercely independant. I was in denial for so long anyway.
They have been foul about this and the biggest concern is what will people think of this Family? They seem to want to project this imagine of the perfect Family, how silly and very selfish.
Then comes bloody FACEBOOK, so many people have approached them and said silly things and this has further inflamed things. Not that I have put much on there but again they are nasty and bitter as hell.
My Sister says they are worried sick, maybe they are but they have become useless and disabled by worry, so NOT coming across as caring or supportive at all.
Dad often cringes and is in denial, really does not want to hear anything about how I feel or symptons. Am sick of having to pretend I am coping, when the truth is I have not been coping well...
So many people assume and indeed say how strong you are, how the flip do they know?? They feel better themselves if they say it out loud enough times hahahah.
Did speak to Sister last night, long talk and she was all apologetic for not getting in touch much. She keeps saying how hurt folks are and how I have to somehow make them feel better. She thinks Parents need a role in all of this as they feel useless.
I also phoned Dad last night, hadn't spoken to them in 3 weeks. He was very clear they were not going to ring me! I am right, they were punishing me. Just can't believe this. I did shout at them both out of frustration and anger 3 weeks ago when I stayed with them. I had been sick on the stairs and they were horrible to me, I lost the plot and retaliated briefly.
Not a bit of compassion from them, didn't even ask how I was or pick up on how depressed I was becoming, feel very let down.
Knew the shit would hit the fan when they were told my news, I was so right!
They are so caught up with thier own feelings they are useless to me. I almost feel like lying and saying I am in remission!!! that would take the pressure of them.
They are kind finacially but she is the coldest creature on earth, her hatefull eyes bore into you are she projects her poison glare. He is in denial and this illness is something he hates. It really feels like he hates me at present though(
Had my last Chemo today and am Hospital free until next Year, going to relax, rest and try and find that happy little me again.... not going to think of what next, or so I plan anyway.
