Hello my darling husband. I dont think I believe in the afterlife but just in case, I hope you can hear me. It will be 18 wks on Saturday since you had to go. It is so hard and I just cant see it getting any easier. There is just this empty space next to me everywhere I go. When I am work, and the phone rings, for a split second, I think that it may be you ringing in like you did. It is all so painful. I really dont know if I can go on without...how stupid though because I have to. Christopher needs me. He misses you too. I will try to make his birthday special. Then there's Theres's birthday- you bet her you would be here for her 60th. Then there's Xmas......I know everyone says little steps, one day at a time, but how do you stop your mind from racing away? You were always there for me...who will hug me now and tell me everything will be ok? I know I just should stop this but how? How? I really miss you...I love you now as much as I ever did. How is life fair?Why do so many people love the ones they love? There are so many people who are alive who dont deserve to. There is no God. Going to bed now as I need to be up in the morning for Christopher.Wont sleep but at least I will be resting. I love you honey......speak to you soon xxxxxxxxxxx
