Not sure how I feel

1 minute read time.

FormerMember

17 Jun 2013

It's eleven weeks today since Mam passed away and seven weeks this Thursday for Dad. Sometimes I feel ok and other times i cry at the smallest of things. The other day I started to get upset over a straw because in his last few weeks dad had to drink through a straw.

Today is my son's birthday and I got teary over the fact that he'll never get a card off them again. Mam used to ring everyone on their birthday to wish them happy birthday.Went to work yesterday and they were all talking about giving their dad's cards and present's or just going to see them and I can't do that.

Everyone thinks I'm coping well, but when I'm on my own in the house or at night I just sit and cry. I know that getting back to 'normal' is supposed to help but I don't want to. I have to go into work and smile at the customer's and pretend like everything is ok. When really all i want to do is stay in the house.

I know things get easier with time because its 17 years since my sister passed away and it doesn't hurt as much. I just wish i could be sure that they are all together and not in any pain anymore.

FormerMember over 11 years ago

Hi.

I am new here and this is only the second time I have posted. The first time I quickly deleted the post as I had not noted the date... I was several months out of sync!

Very sorry to hear of losing both parents so soon to one another and also to have previously lost your sister.

Recently I lost my sister after a ten year fight and three months later my mother. Not only did I have to cope with my own grief but had to help my father cope with his and then learn he was terminally ill, so I then started upon an eighteen month vigil to see him through his time.

Grief is a very personal emotion and what aids someone else get through the trauma is not necessarily of any use for anyone else. I think reluctance to move on an understandable trait and the key is to not feel ashamed of that reluctance or that you should not allow yourself to embrace your emotions.

However, it would seem to me that you are positively making the right moves to move forward in the way you are going to work and meeting with people and coping with your inner feelings while "putting on a brave face". In that you seem to me to be doing well and handling your situation positively.

The implication is that you are on your own and if so this of course can make things more difficult, particularly if you are a family-orientated person. That emphasises the awareness of missing people. I have been a bachelor and there is a world of difference between feeling lonely and embracing an aloneness.

I thought MacMillan had centres or a list of visitors who could call. I know you have people at work but to have someone you can trust to drop in on your own home and chat over a cup of tea might be helpful?
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