Dad has been getting worse since last week and it's horrible to watch.
Today we had a meeting with the district nurse and Marie Curie to discuss his care package. The district nurse wanted to reduce the care he was getting, but us and the Marie Curie said that he still needed 24 hour care, She did push for the Marie Curie to cut down their night care from four nights to two. The care team will be in the rest of the time.
She also wanted Dad to consider going into a hospice for a few days so they could assess him and sort out the best meds to give him to manage his pain. He said he would think about it and she said she would get the ball rolling. My sister and I both know that he doesn't want to go because he is frightened that if he goes in he won't come out again.
He didn't get any sleep last night or today because of the pain he is in. The doctor came out and prescribed a different morphine which eases the pain for longer than his current tablets. Hopefully this will help him. He also gets really confused when he's in pain and struggles to even answer questions.
My sister who lives away is thinking of going back to work. I'm not sure I can. I go to see him every day, just like I did with Mam, and I don't want him to think I care less about him because I'm not there every day. What if something happened when I was at work and they couldn't get in touch with me. I wouldn't be able to live with myself. I know he wouldn't be on his own because the carer's are there, but they are not his family, we are.
He's lasted longer than any of us were expecting and some days it feels like that this horrible disease is not there and things are normal (whatever that is). Other days it feels like things can't get any worse, but I know they can and they will.
