Getting a cancer diagnosis and going through treatment can change a lot. This experience might change how you feel about yourself, alongside how you feel physically and emotionally. Everyone’s experience of cancer can be different. But it can be comforting to know someone else might know how you feel. Someone else here on the Community might have gone through what you’re experiencing.
Every month, we share a person from Macmillan’s Digital Storytelling project here on the Online Community. Today, we’re featuring Michael who has shared his experience of oesophageal cancer. Michael is here on the Online Community as Jamesp.
If you or a loved one have been diagnosed with oesophageal cancer, there’s kindness and understanding on the Online Community. You might find it helpful to look at our “Oesophageal cancer” group or our “Head and neck cancer” group. These are safe places to share your story and find support from other members.
Michael has created a video to share his experiences. In his own words:
“This is the story, so far, of my being diagnosed with oesophageal cancer, my treatment and surgery.”
Watch Michael’s story:
Michael's Story: My Journey with Cancer - YouTube
As Michael’s video does not have closed captions, you can also read the transcript of the video below:
“
“When can you cut it out?”
That was the first thing I said to the doctor who told me about the 5cm tumour at the base of my oesophagus.
This was my way of handling and dealing with this totally unexpected and deeply upsetting news.
Pick it out, pull it out.
I didn’t have an inkling it was cancer when I went to get that camera down my throat. Nobody in my family has had cancer, nobody. When I heard the word cancer, it was like “What?” Like a bad dream. Something I was struggling to, deep down, get my head around. The doctor’s reaction was “Ok, slow down, there’s a process that we need to go through.”
In more ways than one, that’s what I’ve come to terms with.
When it came to my being offered chemo, in an attempt to shrink the tumour prior to surgery, I hadn’t a clue what chemotherapy was. Only that it would hopefully fight off the cancer.
I didn’t know how tired, how irritable, how punch drunk it would leave me.
I love to have a cold drink. Water, cider, beer, milk, anything as long as it is cold. But chemotherapy for oesophageal cancer makes it impossible to do that. I couldn’t even go to the fridge without wearing gloves, due to the hypersensitivity to coldness that my whole body experienced. It’s little changes like that I had to make.
But what can I say is that when I tasted liquids at room temperature, I really taste them. In that very strange way, chemotherapy has brought my body alive.
I listen to and feel what my body is telling me in the here and now. I walk on the beach and really hear the ebb and flow of the tide. Really feel the sand between my fingers and see the true colours of the water, the trees, the mountains.
Sometimes I feel I didn’t have a choice in the way I dealt with cancer. I knew that I was in a battle not a fight and it wasn’t a case of just cut it out. I had to keep putting one foot in front of the other each day and be guided by the many health professionals with whom I was to engage with.
They were brilliant. But there are things in life that help me get up in the morning and put two feet on the ground and say “Hey it’s another day, let me embrace it and just take things as they come along.”
The health professionals supporting me through my journey with cancer, the treatment, the chemotherapy, the surgery, are both honest and approachable. They talk about my treatment and prognosis willingly. They attend to the little things like order me gels and mouthwash to help with me with mouth ulcers. They help me hold on to the most important words in my vocabulary, “localised” and “operable.”
My partner who held my hand as I asked the doctor when he could cut out the cancer, has been there with love and support. Seeing that, I keep on track with a strict eating regime.
My friends and colleagues in my WhatsApp group which I set up during my first chemo session. This has helped me reach out and be myself without fear of judgement.
My work has allowed me to meet people with lived experience of mental health challenges and to be able to talk openly to them. To learn to trust them with my story. Seeing their good word in the face of challenges has inspired me to work and try to help people too. Without them, I wouldn’t have been able to write a story of my journey with cancer with both insight and sensitivity.
After my diagnosis, I looked online for quotes to help me. I found Rebecca Brooke Astor’s words:
“Power is the ability to do good things for others.”
I’ve come to believe that if each of us in whatever way we can, we can use the skills, the knowledge, the experience, the humanity we have gained throughout our lives to help even one person, then we should do it.
I also found a quote that reads:
“Cancer may have started the fight, but I will finish it.”
I’m not going to pretend that the effects of chemotherapy and surgery are easy or behind me. It was never going to be as simple as just cutting it out. Sometimes feelings of bitterness and resentment do exist. Sometimes worries exist. With cancer, things aren’t the same. But I have learned to allow my body both physically and mentally to continue to heal naturally. I’ve learned to remain calm, stay focused and consider all of the options open to me.
Every story has a beginning, middle and end. Mine is in the middle. I am learning to take my time and embrace what’s best for me.
Thank you for listening to my journey with cancer, take care and stay safe
”
Did you know that February is Oesophageal Cancer Awareness Month? There’s support all year round here on the Online Community. If you also have an oesophageal cancer diagnosis, join our “Oesophageal cancer” group or our “Head and neck cancer” group to find further support today.
There’s also lots of information and guidance on Macmillan’s website about oesophageal cancer. This includes information about oesophageal cancer symptoms, diagnosis, staging and grading of oesophageal cancer, and treatment.
Michael shared his story through the Digital Storytelling project at Macmillan. Macmillan’s Digital Storytelling workshops support people affected by cancer to tell their stories in their own words. Many Digital Storytellers have found it beneficial to attend these workshops and sharing their story as a video. If you’d like to get involved, you can find out more about it on Macmillan’s webpage about the Digital Storytelling project.
We’d like to thank Michael for sharing his story with the Online Community as part of Oesophageal Cancer Awareness Month. You’re not alone if you are also coping with a cancer diagnosis, chemotherapy, or treatment. Why not let Michael know what has helped you to get through treatment or chemotherapy in the comments below?
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