Community member and Macmillan volunteer Wee Me’s husband was diagnosed with a Glioblastoma brain tumour in September 2020. You may know her from the “Carers only” group or “Glioblastoma multiforme brain tumour” group. Wee Me has shared lots of blogs here on the Community News. She has shared her experiences and support, from how to cope with hearing news to how to cope as a carer. Today, Wee Me is here to talk about something which is very important to her as a source of comfort and support – music.
To quote Hans Christian Andersen, “where words fail, music speaks.”
Music is all around us and to some it might just be background noise in a shop or “hold” music on a phone call, but it’s there whether you consciously recognise it or not. It touches us all and gets into your subconscious.
A classic story about that came to me from my late aunt a few years ago. At the time, she was in her late seventies and was happily wandering through a department store when she found herself quietly singing along to the background music. It was a song her son, now in his late fifties, had blasted through the family home as a teenager to be met with cries of “turn that racket down!” Forty plus years down the line, my aunt discovered she knew the song word perfect. It made her smile. I never had her down as a Led Zeppelin fan! Oh, and the song in question was Stairway to Heaven, just in case you were wondering.
For some, me included, music is oh so much more than just background noise. I’m not musical in the slightest. I don’t play any instruments and never got further than the recorder in school. I’ve pretty much zero sense of rhythm and I can’t carry a tune in a bucket, but music is an intrinsic part of me, and it made sense to seek solace in it as I support my husband through his GBM journey.
Music fills my world. I listen to a rock radio station all day while working from home. I stream my favourite songs in the evenings. I’ll try to relax by playing my favourite records (old school vinyl junkie here). I always have music on in the car and happily sing along loudly when no one else can judge me for it. (OK, I might have been judged many years ago when I got caught with the windows down singing Heigh Ho Heigh Ho Its Off To Work We Go at the top of my voice when my kids weren’t in the car at a set of traffic lights…oops!) My favourite night out is to be “on the rail” (down the front) at a rock show. It’s my safe place.
You get the picture, right?
Music is one of my key coping mechanisms and it has been a constant throughout the emotional rollercoaster ride of the past three years. Some days I just need its reassurance; others I need its anger and aggression to relieve my own frustrations. There’s a song out there for every emotion. There’s lyrics to touch the soul too. Sometimes it’s simply the tune that makes me smile as it triggers a “happy” memory. On other days, the lyrics seem to say the words or express the emotions that are tearing me apart. Then there are those songs that comfort and console me.
Supporting someone through a terminal cancer journey, in fact any cancer journey, is a tough gig. It’s not a journey I would wish for anyone. Friends and family are a huge source of love and support. This Macmillan Online Community is a Godsend. There’s always someone there to listen who gets it. Sadly, there are plenty of other carers, friends and family who are traveling this road who “get it” on a whole different level. There are, however, endless hours where you are alone with your own thoughts and for me, those are the voids that music helps to fill.
So, what songs do I personally turn to? I’ll warn you now, my taste in music isn’t everyone’s cup of tea so please don’t be surprised if you’ve never heard of any of the artists that I’m about to name but perhaps humour me and give them a listen. You might be pleasantly surprised!
I’ll limit myself to five songs here in the interests of keeping this blog short and sweet.
In no particular order:
Rival Sons – Shooting Stars
For me, this song represents defiance. Even on the toughest of days, I will not let this journey break me.
Myles Kennedy - Worried Mind
This one represents reassurance to me. It’s a hug in a song. It’s the kind of hug that holds you so tight that you can hear the other person’s heartbeat and find the reassurance that this journey isn’t forever and that you will be ok.
Architects- Animals
When you just need to vent, this one does it for me. It’s a song to allow yourself to scream to. We’ve all had days like that, let’s not kids ourselves! In fact, when I saw this band live last November I did just that along to this song. (Sorry, there’s swear words in this one.)
Black Stone Cherry – Peace Is Free
This is one to sing out loud to in the car when you’re having a rough day. I don’t like to burden others with how I’m feeling and try to paint that Disney smile on most days but the there’s a line in here that resonates - “don’t you bring your sadness down on me.”
Alter Bridge – Blackbird
This is a very special song. It touches on so many different emotions on so many levels. It’s a song you can lose yourself in. Yes, I’ve stood “on the rail” at several Alter Bridge shows with my cheeks wet with tears over this one. I also take some hope from the line “may you never be broken again.”
These songs may not be to your personal taste and that’s absolutely fine. I’m a rock chick at heart. I firmly believe though that there’s no such thing as bad music. Yes, there are songs you don’t enjoy as it’s not your genre of choice, but that doesn’t make it bad. An example of this is the 1980’s classic Blue Monday by New Order. I can’t stand it. Never could but it doesn’t make it a bad song. No matter what the song is, there will be those who are fans of it.
If a song brings you comfort or makes you smile or eases a tough day, then that’s all that matters. If it brings back happy memories, that’s special. For me, one such song that got added to that “playlist” is Summer of ’69 by Bryan Adams. It’s the last song I danced to with my husband.
If a song reminds you of someone, that’s a whole different level of emotion. It’s one I’ve still to fully face but that may be a blog for another day. My husband’s taste in music differs from mine and can best be described as “eclectic.” So, in weeks, months, years to come I could find myself becoming overly emotional at the sound of Gangnam Style…time will tell on that one.
I mentioned earlier that I love going to gigs and those too hold very special memories of “me time.” I’ve tried to share an insight into some of the songs that have supported me and continue to support me. Believe me it’s a long list! So, what songs do you turn to when you need music to “hold your hand”?
We’d like to thank Wee Me for sharing her perspective and experiences with the Online Community. Music can be a useful coping mechanism to help you manage your emotions or get through a challenging day. Music can both be very personal to you, alongside something special to share with friends, family and other members on the Online Community. Why not take the time today to listen to some of your favourite songs?
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