Cancer is one of the toughest things someone can go through. When cancer shows up, the people around us can matter more than ever. Showing someone you care cannot change a cancer diagnosis, but it can help them feel less alone.
Yet when cancer shows up, silence can often follow. Loved ones, friends, and colleagues may struggle to find the right words to say. They may worry about saying the wrong thing, asking too many questions, or not knowing how to help. This is something Community members have called Cancer ghosting, and we explore this more in the Cancer ghosting blog.
For someone living with cancer, this silence can be difficult too. Many people tell us they do not want to feel like a burden. Talking about their diagnosis or treatment can sometimes feel confusing and overwhelming, especially when there is so much information to take in.
For some people, that silence can feel even louder and lonelier. Cancer may be a taboo subject within their community, making it difficult to talk openly about their experiences. Some people may have learned not to show their emotions or may feel uncomfortable asking for support. Medical information can feel difficult to understand, particularly when unfamiliar words and complex choices are involved.
For others, there may simply be no family or friends nearby to turn to. Whatever someone's circumstances, having someone who listens, understands, and simply stays present can make a real difference. You do not need to have all the answers or know exactly what to say. Sometimes, letting someone know that they are not alone is enough to start a conversation.
We asked our Online Community members in the Cancer chat forum, ‘what supportive moments made a difference in their cancer experience?’ Here is what you told us.
“My partner was always by my side and with me at every appointment. I would be lost without her.”
“My husband coming to appointments with me, even though he has to take days off work unpaid, calms me down. Him just being there.”
“With throat cancer I couldn't eat, and treatment was hugely painful. My husband drove me to radiotherapy every day for six weeks. A journey of sometimes two hours each way. He fed me and did my meds but gave me space when I needed it. My rock!”
“Having the support of my family, my children, etc. There was always someone to come to chemo with me even though they couldn’t stay. My daughter for coming with me for tests, checkups, etc., especially how hard I knew it was for her to go back on a chemo ward due to her having had breast cancer twice.”
“During the night when you can't sleep, and you post on here and someone who’s going through something difficult but can spare a kind thought and lift your spirits knowing while dealing with their own problems.”
Did you know you can access the Online Community forums 24/7. We have a dedicated space for people to connect with each other if you are awake during the night. Join the Awake and up in the night discussion thread or post in your regular forums.
“My son and daughter have been superb throughout, from hand-holding when in dire straits in hospital, to helpful practical stuff e.g. mowing lawns and heavier housework.”
“It was so helpful to share and talk truthfully about our concerns, views, opinions without someone telling you ......you can do this.....you will get over this.... anyone going through this will feel the same.”
“In my 6-week recovery period, I had a stream of visitors twice a day who came to walk my dog and hang out with me. They still check in, and I love and appreciate them so much now - much more than I did before.”
“I was overwhelmed with the kindness of friends and family who always thoughtfully texted first to see if I could talk. One gift from 2 friends was a shoebox of individually wrapped little gifts to open when I felt I needed a lift. Such fun, and I rediscovered palma violets and love hearts, which made me smile!”
“I found the best thing when my husband had liver cancer was for people to ring first rather than just turn up, and depending on his health, mentally and physically, that day it left it up to him if he felt like seeing anyone. This also applied to family; for as much as we love them, putting on a face for their benefit, which he did, was exhausting.”
Want to tell us about your random act of kindness? Or tell us about a supportive moment that really helped you in your cancer journey? Join the discussion in the Cancer chat forum or comment below.
If you are supporting a loved one with cancer, we hope this blog has offered some insight into the meaningful ways you can show your support. We know being there to offer support to family and friends living with cancer can cause a range of emotions and practical challenges for you, so it’s important you have access to support for you.
There’s lots of support when being there to support a loved one with cancer:
