"How are you?" - Counselling support for people living with cancer

6 minute read time.
"How are you?" - Counselling support for people living with cancer

“How are you?”

We all know this question can sometimes be a tricky one to answer. We also know it’s important to ask others how they are feeling, but don’t always take the time to ask ourselves how we are doing.  

Often, we brush off the question with a quick ‘Yes fine thanks, how’re you?’ but maybe it’s time to take a moment to really think about how you are feeling and whether you have the right emotional support in place for you.

When you have been affected by cancer, answering this question can sometimes feel even harder. Receiving a cancer diagnosis can impact your mental health and emotional wellbeing. In today’s Community news blog, we are talking about what support is available to help you explore the answer to that important question… ‘How are you?’ 

Exploring how you are feeling on the Community

One way that you can start to explore how you are feeling, is by talking to those who truly understand what you are going through. By posting in our discussion groups, you can take time to write down how you are feeling, no matter what you are facing, and share your thoughts with our members.  

“Sometimes it’s easier to write it down, to get it off your chest. Also, the keyboard isn’t emotionally involved, and it can’t see you crying – Community member, Breast cancer forum.

I think the mental impact of this disease is so so hard and I don’t know what I would do without the support in here. Community member, Breast cancer forum.

“This is a brilliant place to release all that pent-up emotional rubbish you’re dealing with.” Community member, ‘The Room’ 

“If it helps even a tiny bit to write it all down, that’s something…continue to put all your frustration and anger on here”Community member, Breast cancer forum.

Talking about how you are

As well as posting about how you are feeling here on the Community, sometimes the simple act of talking about how you are feeling with someone who is there to listen can really help. Here at Macmillan we have a Support Line that is open 7 days a week 8am-8pm. Our advisors will give you all the time and space you need to talk through how you are feeling.

Some of our members describe their experiences of calling our Support Line.

“I have more cried than spoken to the staff on the phone line here before now.” Community member, Family and friends forum

“I also called the Macmillan Support Line when I was really low. Even over the phone, they were brilliant, try it.” Community member, Breast cancer forum.

Even on days where you’re not sure how to even begin to answer the question ‘How are you?’, our advisors are here to listen and support you. Simply pick up the phone and call 0808 808 00 00, or click here to connect with an advisor via webchat.  

Counselling support

Sometimes exploring that all important question, ‘How are you?’ requires more structured support. Seeking counselling, or other talking therapies, can be an important step in understanding how you are feeling.

“I think you’re taking a positive and brave step in seeking counselling. As others have already said, the emotional and mental impact of this is beyond tough some days.” Community member, Breast cancer forum

There are different ways that you can access counselling and, as we’ve learned through the COVID19 pandemic, it doesn’t have to be sat in the same room face to face with someone.

You can access counselling in many ways:

  • Through the NHS via referral from your GP or Health Care Practitioner
  • Through a charity or local organisation
  • Paying privately

You may wish to speak with your GP to see what support is available in your local area.

Counselling support for people living with cancer

Macmillan is here to help. Through our partnership with BUPA, Macmillan are offering four sessions of free one-on-one counselling to people living with cancer which can be quickly and easily accessed.

For those who are eligible, specialist support is available within days and provided remotely i.e. over the phone or where required, online by video, at a time that suits you.

This free counselling is for people living with cancer. You can also find out more about the eligibility criteria, referral and Wellbeing Assessment process for our BUPA counselling service, by clicking here and reading more on our main website.

If you would like to explore whether our BUPA counselling service might be right for you, all you need to do is call our Macmillan Support Line on 0808 808 00 00 and ask our teams about the service. Our Support Line is open 7 days a week 8am-8pm.

Some of our Community members have posted about their experience of using BUPA counselling through Macmillan below:

“I made the call last week to be referred for the BUPA counselling. I’ve been putting it off for a while, but I feel I really need someone to talk to outside of friends and family! Waiting for an assessment but hoping it won’t be long and it will help.” Community member, Cancer Chat forum

“I did sessions via Macmillan/BUPA ending a few weeks ago. It was great to have a place to offload stuff and I have to say - the counsellor really showed up for me.” Community member, Breast cancer forum 

“I phoned up Macmillan, said I was interested in counselling, then they took a few details. Someone from Bupa phoned me a couple of days later and did an assessment - more in-depth questions about where I was. Lots of it was for safeguarding really. Then the counsellor… phoned me a day or two after that to arrange the first appointment. All pretty quick and easy.” Community member, Breast cancer forum

Whilst our BUPA counselling service is only available for those who have cancer at the moment, or have had cancer in the past, Macmillan is here to support anyone affected by cancer.

Other support for anyone affected by cancer

Getting the right support for your mental health can be just as vital as seeking support for your physical health, and the most important thing is to find the support that works best for you.

Whether you are a carer, close to someone who has been diagnosed, or have lost a loved one to cancer, our Community and Support Line teams are here for you and can help you explore how you are feeling.

Below are some resources to help anyone affected by cancer explore the answer to that seemingly simple question ‘How are you?’

How are you feeling? – The emotional effects of cancer

Are you feeling lonely?

“I’m fine”: how do you really cope as a carer?

Supporting yourself while supporting someone with incurable cancer (part 1)

Supporting yourself while supporting someone with incurable cancer (part 2)

However you are feeling today, you are not alone. Remember to keep talking about how you are and take the time you need to find the support that works best for you. Whether that’s posting on the Community, calling our Support line or accessing counselling, Macmillan is here for you.

Anonymous
  • Hi Carolsos,

    It’s Megan here from Macmillan’s Online Community team. I’m sorry to hear of your partner’s terminal cancer diagnosis and how you’re coping just now. With everything you’re coping with, I’m glad you’re reaching out for some support. The Online Community is a safe and supportive space for you to access peer support.

    We see every day how helpful it can be to talk to others who are in a similar situation so it’s good to see you’ve already joined the Carer’s only forum and the Supporting someone with incurable cancer forum.

    I hope it’s been helpful to talk to others who can understand how you may be feeling. Please do continue to post in these groups and join in the discussions for as long as you need.

    If you found reading the above blog helpful, I’d like to take a moment to make you aware of another blog one of the Support Line advisers has put together. The ‘Supporting yourself while supporting someone with incurable cancer’ may be helpful for you to read as it focuses on the range of emotions you may experience when a loved one is living with cancer.

    It sounds like you have a lot to cope with alongside supporting your partner. If you’d find it helpful to talk, there are teams on the Macmillan Support Line that can lend a listening ear.

    They’re there to provide emotional support, practical information, and financial guidance. To get in touch, you can call 0808 808 00 00, use live webchat, or email during the hours of 8 am-8 pm every day.

    I hope the above information is helpful to you and will help you access the support you are looking for just now. If there is anything the Community Team can do to help, please don’t hesitate to let us know. We are here to help you use the site and find additional support.

    To get in touch, you’re welcome to email Community@macmillan.org.uk or send a private message to the moderator account.

    Best wishes, 

    Megan
    Macmillan's Online Community team

  • Hi Andy2022,

    It’s Megan here from Macmillan’s Online Community team.

    It’s natural to not know what to say when talking about cancer and how to tell others how you’re truly feeling. Hopefully being a member of the Online Community helps to show you that you’re not alone in feeling this way.

    There are often discussion threads created in our Community groups about how to talk about cancer. You’re more than welcome to start a discussion about this in a group you are a member of or join a new group such as the Emotional support forum.

    I’m sure once you’ve started a discussion, others will be close by to share the advice and tips they have on communicating with loved ones.

    Alongside accessing peer to peer support from our Community groups, the Macmillan Support Line has specialist teams who are also there to support you. Sometimes it can help to talk things through with someone who’s there to listen. They’re available 7 days a week, 8am-8pm on freephone 0808 808 00 00email or live webchat.

    When you contact the Support Line there will be options to speak to the Information Nurse Specialists, the Information and Support advisers, and the Money and Work teams. They can provide emotional support, practical information, and financial guidance.

    If you’re needing some additional guidance for having emotional and tough conversations, the Macmillan ‘Talking about cancer’ booklet may be a useful resource. You can view this online, download it or order a copy online for free.

    I hope the above information helps you find the guidance you’re looking for. If you do have any questions about using the Online Community or finding additional support, please do get back in touch.

    The Online Community team is here to help all members access the support they may be looking for and you’re welcome to email community@macmillan.org.uk or or send a private message to the moderator account.

    Best wishes,

    Megan
    Macmillan’s Online Community team

  • I'm so low right now..my CNS gave me the details to self refer for the Bupa councelling but I can't even ring my gp for a script. I have a long (ish) history of poor mental health where I never got the help I needed( another long story). I had to come out of work altogether when I got my diagnosis this year. I have lived alone for 10 years since my hubby died and although we have 4 grown up children I'm finding it hard to tell them how I feel coz a mums job is to protect our kids so I say "I'm fine"! Sorry for the rant...I just had get it out there..thanks for listening.

    • Angela xx
  • I tried to post a(long winded) rant and by the time I signed in it had disappeared but I feel bit better coz u got it down in black and white...even if only I seen it. So thanks.

    Angela xx

  • Hi Angela, 

    Thank you for sharing how you're feeling, I'm Eliza from the Community team. I'm sorry to hear that you've been feeling really low just now. We know that sometimes trying to find the right help can feel overwhelming. We understand as well that sometimes it can feel difficult to talk to family. I hope the Online Community has been helping you to feel less alone in how you're feeling.

    Do you feel you might find it easier to use our Support Line's live webchat service instead of calling, as a starting point? All you would need to do is click on my link and our Support team are available on the "General info and support" option every day, 8am - 8pm. They're here to talk alongside helping you to access further services like our BUPA counselling offer.

    I can see you've mentioned you've come out of work. I just want to let you know as well that our Support Line teams can offer practical help too, such as our welfare rights advice and financial guidance.

    If there's anything else we can do to help or if you have any questions, please feel welcome to get in touch with us over email to community@macmillan.org.uk or private message to .

    Best wishes,

    Eliza

    Macmillan Community team