To a friend
Driving CLL
I’m glad to hear that you are behind the wheel again, perhaps life is a little like driving your car. When behind the wheel you are more in control of your destiny, as a passenger you are an observer, you have to rely on the skills of someone else’s driving. (Yeh you can still get side swiped or be distracted by a cat crossing the road) But it is you who must react to the situation at hand.
Maybe living with CLL is like driving a new car? This ones a manual, not an automatic. So now we have to learn how to use the clutch and select a gear that suits our abilities at the time. If we’re driving it is us who can put the brakes on or throttle up, to suit our own speed. So the speed limits are set by the disease at times, but like on the road, if we break the limits, it is us who choose to take the risks.
If we are driving, we can ultimately decide where we want to go, when, what route, and at what speed. You can ignore the signs on the road, but I’m sure if you follow the signs, you will have a better chance of getting to where you are going. But what if you’ve never driven a car before? You have the operation manual to learn, the Highway Code and you have to be taught the correct way to drive, if you want to get a licence.
I think I’ve learnt enough from the new vehicle manual, learnt the new Highway Code and with the help of my friends learnt how to drive this new beast. So am back on the road, behind the wheel. Driving to decisions made with the help of specialists of my choice. Where this new car will take me I don’t know. But when living life do you expect to know what’s in the future?
Probably not, but when I take the map out of the glove box (or use sat nav), test tyre pressure, test oil levels, test windscreen water levels and make sure the correct fuel’s in the tank. I know I have a better chance of completing a long journey. The pleasure of achieving along the way is one of the rewards of living.
Living with CLL, Nick
