Not a good day, so time for a massive whinge.

Hi Christinej, you sound really p===== off.  Just try and relax have you looked at the NHS site Moods zone. It  has various packages for you to listen too. I was suffering with anxiety,  you need to try and relax I know you think that perhaps y?oh can not. You can. Talk to your hubby I am sure he will be supportive. When the district nurse comes or even before that make a list of questions for her. Go over it with hubby and put them in order of importance. I am sure that will get to you soon, what did the doctor say to you to do if your in a state???.

I am feeling a lot better now, and learning to cope with prostrate cancer. I hope this helps you till you get some professional support, have you asked about seeing a physiologist, it may be benefici beneficial to you and hubby.

Best regards

Malcolm.

Bless you Malcolm for taking the time to reply to my whinge.  I have had a particularly bad few days, with my pain control not working adequately,  I know you can fully understand what it's like.  Sometimes the pain is so all consuming that my brain just cant think about anything else, and its very easy to loose all understanding and respect for those closest to me who are trying so hard to help, and are just wanting to take this burden from me.

A GP came to see me this morning and went over all my medication.  It was a doctor I had not seen before but she was very professional, kind and reassuring that she could get my pain back under control.

I of all people should  know all the right relaxation techniques, as I am (or was before my illness) a Holistic Therapist.  Unfortunately its not very easy for me to take my own advice.  

Anyway, I am hoping that my new medication will work, as my goal is to see next Easter.  A big ask but, if  I can get my strength up, my Oncologist says I can have a short course of Chemo which might extend my life for a month or two.  I would love to see the Spring. 

I am not looking for sympathy but, being able to use the blog on this site is a great way for me to express and release my feelings without hurting my family.

Thank you for being so kind and caring, especially when you have your own burdens to cope with.

Wishing you peace and happiness.

Christine.  

Good Morning Christine,

I’ve not stopped thinking about you since you posted about brushing teeth.

How are you doing? I hope your pain medication is helping.

I’ve just read your latest blog, and can understand your love to see Spring and live as long as possible. We planted lots of miniature daffodils on Mum’s grave. Little green shoots are coming up already! 

I was sad to hear how much pain your in, and can only hope my lovely Mum didn’t suffer like this. Every time I asked if she was in any pain she said no, so I hope this was the case.

Christine, sending you lots of love and prayers.

Eileen xx

Hi Eileen.

Thank you for thinking of me.  It has made me look back to my post on 13th December, when I could quite happily have ended it all.  I'm so glad I didn't.  

After much trial and error I have finally found the right pain control which helps me.  The trick was to take 3 slow release Oxycontin tablets a day instead of the usual 2.  Not all my doctors are happy with this, but if it helps me, then quite frankly I don't give a damn.  I still have a lot of discomfort, and overwhelming tiredness, but nowhere as bad as it was.  I am now happy to stay in bed all day scrambling my brain in an attempt to complete my family tree to pass on to my two boys.  Not a simple task, as we have come from all over the world and my main source of information has to be from passenger ships lists.  I've still only got no further back than 1800c on my maternal side, and only 1912 (my own fathers birth)  on the fathers side.

Anyway.  Toothbrushing is a bit easier.  For me, what works best is a childs toothbrush with only a small amount of toothpaste. Brush as quickly as possible and then don't rinse, just do short sharp spits to get out most of the residue toothpaste  I 'found a toothpaste from Boots the Chemist which is not flavoured and non foaming.  Still need a bit of mind over matter but, It's definitely better.

My latest scan last week showed the tumor in the Oesophagus has thicken a lot but, the affected Lymph Node have not worsened to much.  So, Oncologist said it was not worth having Chemo at the moment and I have been given another 6 weeks before another scan.

I hope you a doing well in yourself, and it looks like we're both looking forward to those happy smiling daffs.

Christine. x