Finally...some time to just sit and think..about myself....(for a change)............

1 minute read time.

FormerMember

9 Jan 2012

I'm having stereotactic radiation therapy tomorrow.....to blast the brain tumour...

I've read up about the actual procedure and possible side effects....but what i haven't really had chance to think about...( and definately not talk about) is that I'm scared....and worried....

I keep seeing pictures of '' one flew over the cuckoo's nest''...............!

I'll be glad to get rid of the little s**t, though...its always in a bad mood and arguing with me,gives me headaches and fits..and even shuts my eye when i'm trying to read.....its a bloody poltergeist...

I've been too busy keeping my family spirits up...I keep smiling and saying that i feel ok....I don't really...

I'm full of steroids and pain killers.....

Thankfully, my kids are brilliant...taking it all in their stride and being....'normal'....

I am literally not able to cry....because of my lung....if i cry, I can't breath as well....!!

So that may be a good thing....!!

The only thing i asked of folk is that they aren't upset all the time...they be positive and always see the glass as half full.....it really dosen't help me to see upset and crying....

which brings me back to my mum....my parents call round every day....

mum's routine...throws coffee into cups...drops cups or anything not nailed down...tells me i'm in a bad mood...tells me to ring the doctor or district nurse.....then sits down and cries...no conversation...no nothing.....half an hour later says sorry, shouts at dad, then they go home......

And this is supposed to help me..........??

It's going to be a long day tomorrow, I'm in at 8am for MRI scan...I have to get a mould made over my face...and whatever other stuff they do to keep me still....

I've a permanent drain in my lung which is being done today so i should be good for lying still tomorrow.........

the radiation procedure is tomorrow evening......

It sounds really awful....but I wonder if I could ask them to put me somewhere on my own for most of the time....cos i really don't know what my parents expect to do all day.....

And sometimes...I don't want to natter all the time...i don't really want to any of the time....I like quiet....

And just hope I come out of it all in one piece.......and still remember who I am.....!!

FormerMember over 12 years ago

Ruby it never entered my mind for one second! Please don't worry yourself about me.

Nice to me you too Jackie! (Lover of Womble Pants)

Tight Lines

Tim xxx
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FormerMember over 12 years ago

Phew that's cool then Tim xx

Once again best of luck Jackie xxx
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FormerMember over 12 years ago

Hi Jackie,

Its the girl who wore the womble pants that got her lobbed out of the Brownies here....

I am all up for rescuing you anytime you want, but having had 6 weeks of RT I know that actually it does help even though it gives some side effects too.

Of course you are scared but you'll be ok cos you will be and I hope it all helps the symptoms etc. No waterfalls and sleepy eyes etc has to be good.

I have to confess to sniggering reading about your mum at your house cos it sounded so awful! You poor thing. That would drive me bonkers. I feel fortunate to not have much family at these times and I always go to the hospital on my own. I hope you get some time away from them and that a nurse could send them away etc. Luckily, radiation doesn't allow people in the room so you can get a few mins peace and quiet there.

Anyway, hope it goes well and it all helps and that your family get the message.

And when you get scared, just imagine what is behind you... all us lot in our womble pants/invincibles etc willing you on, grinning at you and some of us are also next to you holding your hand so you are not facing this alone.

Shove up, I want a bit of that bed!

Big hug to you

Little My xxxx

ps I never thought my choice of underwear would get so far and wide! and I was only 9 at the time...
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FormerMember over 12 years ago

Hi Jackie,

We all get scared about the treatment until it starts, and then we meet such marvellous medical staff that we are much happier.

I remember going down for my tatoos. I knew what to expect, I had seen the CT scanner and could take it in my stride. It wasn't until the radiologist came out to me and said "What are you looking so scared about?" that I realised I was!

Can't say much about your mother except she's a mum doing what mums always do and which daughters always find annoying!

Good luck with the RT, I'm sure that whatever side effects you have will be far better than having Mr C around.

You can do it, but if you do want rescuing (except from mothers) the team is ready and waiting.

Big Welsh cwtches,

Odin xxxx
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FormerMember over 12 years ago

thank you everyone for the love and support..

it's gratefully returned to all...

jackie xx
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