Finally...some time to just sit and think..about myself....(for a change)............

1 minute read time.

FormerMember

9 Jan 2012

I'm having stereotactic radiation therapy tomorrow.....to blast the brain tumour...

I've read up about the actual procedure and possible side effects....but what i haven't really had chance to think about...( and definately not talk about) is that I'm scared....and worried....

I keep seeing pictures of '' one flew over the cuckoo's nest''...............!

I'll be glad to get rid of the little s**t, though...its always in a bad mood and arguing with me,gives me headaches and fits..and even shuts my eye when i'm trying to read.....its a bloody poltergeist...

I've been too busy keeping my family spirits up...I keep smiling and saying that i feel ok....I don't really...

I'm full of steroids and pain killers.....

Thankfully, my kids are brilliant...taking it all in their stride and being....'normal'....

I am literally not able to cry....because of my lung....if i cry, I can't breath as well....!!

So that may be a good thing....!!

The only thing i asked of folk is that they aren't upset all the time...they be positive and always see the glass as half full.....it really dosen't help me to see upset and crying....

which brings me back to my mum....my parents call round every day....

mum's routine...throws coffee into cups...drops cups or anything not nailed down...tells me i'm in a bad mood...tells me to ring the doctor or district nurse.....then sits down and cries...no conversation...no nothing.....half an hour later says sorry, shouts at dad, then they go home......

And this is supposed to help me..........??

It's going to be a long day tomorrow, I'm in at 8am for MRI scan...I have to get a mould made over my face...and whatever other stuff they do to keep me still....

I've a permanent drain in my lung which is being done today so i should be good for lying still tomorrow.........

the radiation procedure is tomorrow evening......

It sounds really awful....but I wonder if I could ask them to put me somewhere on my own for most of the time....cos i really don't know what my parents expect to do all day.....

And sometimes...I don't want to natter all the time...i don't really want to any of the time....I like quiet....

And just hope I come out of it all in one piece.......and still remember who I am.....!!

Cruton over 12 years ago

Hello Jackie

there is not a lot to add to what everyone has said and there are a lot of wise words there.

I have not experienced RT but as others have said we all get scared but when it's really bad remember we are all here for you and with you.

With a bit of luck and the nurses collaboration they maybe able to tell your mum your resting and not up to visiting at the moment and send her off for a cuppa to give you a bit of time to yourself.

be thinking of you sending you more hugs

Scraton (part of the rescue team) xxxxx
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FormerMember over 12 years ago

Hi Jackie,

Lots of wise and supporting words from you all, so I would simply like to send you my best wishes of a smooth time through your RT.

I had 28 sessions at the other end like Tim and LM, you wouldn't be human if you weren't scared 'cos it's the not knowing, but by tomorrow night and the first session is done, you'll be OK i'm sure.

Take care

Love Jan xxx
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FormerMember over 12 years ago

Hi Chansey, I only had the ordinary radiotherapy, rather than stereotatic, but found it sounded scarier than it actually was The radiotherapy nurses are really soothing and apart from the machine making some strange noises and clicking around it was always over more quickly than I thought it would be. in Velindre (in Cardiff) they also had mosiacs on the ceiling of pleasant scenes. The one in the room I was in was of cherry trees in blossom and there was music playing. I timed my treatment down to the number of records played. My internal radiothery lasted two records... not bad. I hope it all goes well for you and will soon be over.

Frannie
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FormerMember over 12 years ago

Hiya Chansey sorry I am a bit behind at wishing you good luck,but as you know the NHS kidnapped me and held me prisoner. I have managed to escape and its taking ages catching up with what everyone is doing so apologies to everyone of my friends who may read this if I dont get to you. Up till now I have not given a thought to radio,I presume you will go to Preston as you are from my neck of the woods....I have heard very good things about the hospital so I hope thats what you find. As for your mum as others have said just have a word with the nurses I am sure they will keep you safe. I am due to go to the clinic tomorrow to find out if I am to start radio or carry on with chemo....who knows i might get to meet up with you if its radio. I have to have radio to head and chest so would be very grateful for feedback from you as to how it goes. Big hugs for you and I am sure you will always remember who you are.....which is quite something as I forget and i havn't even started yet hahaha. XX Colette
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