Thursday 21st October 2010: Woke up severe headache, really stiff and sore and did not want to get up but cuddled back into hot water bottle again for another hour or so, so hubby left me to do just that after he brought me up a bit of toast with butter and cup of coffee. Got up about 1pm as we needed to get to hospital for meeting re radiotherapy. Healing doing ok, got swabs for buttock and left breast areas where scar and crust still very wide. Found out that 14 lymph nodes taken from underarm; 12 had cancer and 1 from neck/collarbone area also had cancer. when I asked what the size was of the tumour, I had hoped that it was even smaller; but shocked to find out that it had grown back to 9cm and had been upgraded to Grade 3 Ductal Carcinoma invasive and very aggressive; now wondering what I had all that chemo for, as it was only Grade 2 Invasive though aggressive and had not been in lymphs, but now the grading changed. I guess the chemo did do its job; but the Cancer was one of the worst breast cancers you can get and it started growing after the chemo finished and grew 3 cm in a matter of a few weeks from the last chemo to the surgery. Part of me felt I was going back to square 1, only this time lymphs and breast and rib bone and neck lymph had all been removed. But had the Cancer had a chance to spread to other areas as so many lymphs had been affected???? Getting a bone scan and radiotherapy will commence in 3 weeks. Told should start the Femara/ Letrozole now from my doctor and that I may be given an extra medication to protect my bones as Letrozole could cause Oestioporisis!!! Great I already have Oestiopenia!!!!!! Bloods were taken today as I have been very tired, lethargic, sore heads, poor appetite, lost 3 kg very pale and dizzy; A blood transfusion may occur and this has mentioned before, need to wait and see. I am also a rare blood type A Negative. Got some recipes from nurse to try with smoothie maker and buoild up my diet, but finding this really hard to eat and know I have to get my digestive system working again, but get so nauseous after I take the first bite of any food.
What did bother me mainly today was the fact that the tumour had grown to the size it was back in April when I was 1st diagnosed, now it also had changed to Grade 3, this meant the higher the grade, the poorer the prognosis. Please please please hope it has not spread anywhere else................. When got back home, the outside rails at doorstep had been put up and another reality check hit as I saw them there. So so tired,numb and feeling surreal these days and just want to sleep, sleep and sleep. Spat up green mucous and got a green discharge. (Maybe from catheter.)
I thought I would start to feel better after the operation, but I have lost 3kg in weight, struggling even more to eat and get an appetite, though managing to swallow a bit better and have very small snacks.
So frustrated that I cannot do anything in the house re housework, unable to drive, so part of me has begun dependant on other people and I hate it.
Maybe it is still early days, maybe I got an infection, maybe got PTSD, maybe one day I will get my energy and life back which is what I want to happen.
I felt better before I got the operation and dealt with everthing the chemo etc threw at me. I am meant to start getting better, but it does not feel like it at all.
