The rollercoaster ride continued after the holiday. Just one day back at work before my appointment at the breast clinic. Work kept me very busy and distracted much of the time. But the impending appointment was never far from my mind and the waves of anxiety kept coming.
I didn’t sleep much the night before the breast clinic appointment. Because of Covid, I was advised that I should attend alone, so my husband dropped me off and waited in the car. The staff couldn’t have been nicer and put me at ease. First stop: mammograms, never a pleasant experience. Second stop: ultrasound scans. The nurse chatted to me throughout, which really helped me to relax. The radiologist did a thorough examination then gave me some local anaesthetic to take biopsies from the lump and from a lymph node, both of which she told me looked suspicious. When I told them that my husband was waiting in the car, they said that he could have come in as the Covid restrictions were no longer in place.
Finally, I had a titanium marker inserted at the site of the lump. The nurse applied dressings to the incisions and I was asked to wait for another mammogram to check that the marker was in the right place. I quickly called my husband and told him that he was allowed to come in. He had driven to a supermarket a few minutes away, so he made his way back and arrived just as I came out from the second mammogram.
Soon we were called to speak with one of the doctors. She took some details about me and my medical history then examined me. She said the imaging showed that the lump was about 3.5cm and looked highly suspicious. She explained that the biopsy results would take a week or so, then they would have to be discussed by the MDT (multidisciplinary team). If the results were back by the time of their next meeting, I would be invited to attend on 2 August to get the report. One down, one to go.
Two days later I drove myself to the dermatology appointment. The doctor looked at the mole on my arm and checked for any others. He said the one on my arm and one on my lower back showed some early (precancerous) changes and he recommended that they should be removed. I told him that I was facing a breast cancer diagnosis and asked if there might be a connection. He said quite categorically that there was not. Before leaving I had photographs taken of the two moles to be excised, as well as a couple of others that the doctor wanted to monitor. Two down.
In the days that followed I developed aches, pains and twinges in what seemed like every part of my body. The irrational voices in my head told me that I had breast cancer and skin cancer and that both had spread out of control. How long did I have? These thoughts were terrifying, but there were also times when I felt at peace and unafraid. I had only told our children, my line manager and my closest colleague. Whenever I spoke to any of my siblings or my best friend, my stomach was in knots. I didn’t want to say anything to them before I knew for sure, but it was stressful keeping this from them.
An appointment came through to have the moles excised on 16 August. Then I was advised that the appointment at the breast unit to get my results had been put back to 9 August. I told myself that perhaps this was a good sign, that there was no urgency. But the next day I received a copy of the letter from the doctor to my GP. She had said “highly suspicious” to me. But the letter said that the mammogram and ultrasound both indicated malignancy. Whilst I was preparing myself for a diagnosis, seeing those words in black and white again was scary. But still there were moments and even whole days of feeling relatively calm. Work was keeping me busy and I was surrounded by the love of my family.
Still expecting to be diagnosed with breast cancer on 9 August, I wanted to have the moles dealt with before then. On the 1st of August I called the dermatology department and explained the situation. Surprisingly, they offered me an alternative appointment that coming Sunday, 7 August. I came home from work, hugged my husband, we chatted as I prepared dinner and I asked him about his day. He said he hadn’t felt well all day with flu-like symptoms. I suggested he take a Covid test and it lit up like a Christmas tree straightaway. He spent the next few days holed up in the bedroom feeling quite poorly. I kept well away; I did not need Covid on top of everything else! Yet another letter came – a copy of the dermatologist’s report to my GP. He said the moles would be excised and examined to exclude malignant melanoma. Once again, seeing those words in black and white did not help my anxiety.
Fortunately hubby was feeling better by the weekend and drove me to have the moles removed but he stayed in the car as he was still testing positive. I sat in the back seat with a mask on and the windows open! The procedure was a bit uncomfortable but was over very quickly. A few stitches and I was out again. I would have to wait 4-6 weeks for the histology report.
To be continued...
