9 August 2023.
One year ago today I was diagnosed with breast cancer. The previous six weeks had been a rollercoaster of emotions: fear, anxiety, dread, but also acceptance and peace.
Those who know me best would say that I can be a glass-half-empty, worst-case-scenario kind of person. Risk averse. A bit of a wimp. I see the problems before the possibilities. At the mention of booking a holiday my first thought is always "get travel insurance". But as I shared the news of my diagnosis with family, friends and colleagues, I kept hearing three words: strength, positivity and faith. Did they know the real me? Was I putting on a brave face and managing to fool everyone?
Since the start of the pandemic, when we were not able to meet up in person, hubby and I have joined some friends on Zoom every Saturday morning for discussion around a variety of subjects that are important to us. The very week after I found the lump, the topic, which had been planned months before, was human suffering, and the inevitable question came up: Where is God when bad things happen? Those discussions provided a very timely reminder that I would not be on this journey alone. I knew that God would be right there with me, whatever the future might hold.
Although that knowledge was not always enough to keep the feelings of fear and doubt away, God always showed up, every time, and gave me what I needed to cope. I reached out to my family and they poured their love and prayers over me. Music and poetry lifted my spirits on a daily basis. As we sat in the waiting room before going in to be given the results of my scans and biopsies, I listened to songs on my phone that filled me with an indescribable sense of peace. So much so that when we went in and my surgeon said that word - cancer - she might as well have said flu.
Even though I walk
through the darkest valley,
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.
Following my surgery in March, I was told that I was cancer-free, cured. A number of people said that it was a miracle, that God had healed me. I'm not certain of that. Why would He heal me and not (insert the name of someone dear to you who has not been healed of cancer or any other illness). But I am convinced that a different miracle did take place. I had Travel Insurance for the journey and it paid out when I needed it. My glass-half-empty, worst-case-scenario outlook was replaced with positivity and hope, not because I had faith, but because there is a faithful God who has always carried me and will always carry me.
Why do you complain, Jacob?
Why do you say, Israel,
“My way is hidden from the Lord;
my cause is disregarded by my God”?
Do you not know?
Have you not heard?
The Lord is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary,
and his understanding no one can fathom.
He gives strength to the weary
and increases the power of the weak.
Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;
but those who hope in the Lord
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.
