I have my last clinic appointment on Monday in preparation for the last chemo on Wed and am so glad that this part is coming to an end. For the most part I have just got on with it, what else can you do. Luckily I have had support from a distance from some good friends and from all you lovely people - but from my family very little and I have to be honest, I haven't asked because I know they are busy with their own lives. For the first 4 cycles they dropped me off and picked me up and it was greatly appreciated.
Apart from my first two appointments with the consultant and my first chemo, I have gone to everything on my own, but as time has gone on it gets harder to go alone. You know that awful feeling wnhen hearly everyone in the waiting room has someone with them, they are talking and you are sitting on the outside looking in. We don't have chatty people in my local day unit and those that are talking are together. I sit there like a billy no mates. My sister who I hoped would be my main support has not really been able to do so, I though as you do - that maybe she was worried about me or that I had excluded her, because I just got on with it. So after my last appointment with consultant I e-mailed her to ask if she would be able to attend the next consultant appointment with me. She said she already had something in her diary but would try to change it - I didn't hear anything so e-mailed her yesterday (she only lives 5 miles away and works just round the corner from my house, on Wed) she responded tonight - sorry she couldn't change her appointments, but my brother in law would come with me if I wanted - now he has actually asked me more about what I am going through than my sister. But and forgive me here - I wanted my bl**dy sister to come, I wanted us to have a chance to talk.
I know you will all be pleased with me - when I tell you that I politely told her not to worry I would go alone. She asked me if I was sure and I said yes, don't worry and asked her to thank my brother in law, as his offer was much appreciated. You know even my nephews 12 and 14 volunteered to come - bless. Not sure how my sister produced two such considerate boys.
I did not say well thanks for letting me know you couldn't come;(until I asked you again after all you only had a month to let me know). I didn't say if you had told me sooner I could have changed my appointment and asked a friend to come and I didn't swear either. But I just feel hurt and let down, but I do know where I stand and I am not shedding any more tears over her. I will get on with things myself as I have always done.
Well guys watching the apprentice and waiting to see who makes a complete c**k up :)))) Actually I could do a Sir Alan with my sister and say "your fired" :))))) hahahaha
Take care all - have a good night
Carol xx
