I have come to a 'moment in time' where I can just breathe the sea air where I live and for a short moment forget Cancer ever came in to my life. BUT Driving my car today I was stuck behind someone who was going so slow, I was almost shouting 'Hurry Up - I havn't got all the time in the world' and when I see something I want I just think 'Have it! I havn't got long, so I may as well enjoy it' - All very tongue in cheek
For me, I have to make a joke of it, or risk people I know being embarrassed because they don't know how to approach the whole subject. Today when I went down to the Village to post some parcels in the local Post Office, everyone went quiet, usually they have a chat or just say 'Hi how are You?' - so I waited and the silence continued, so when I was finished I said Bye and disappeared off to the Building Society, where it was almost the same there. I have known all of these people for years and it feels so strange. I don't mind them ignoring me, it saves me from having to answer them - I guess it will improve in time. Mike my Husband has told them all about me and my cancer - mainly I think, it makes his life easier too. When something is on your mind so much, that people say - What's the matter , You are not your usual self - and of course everything spills out, so for Mike it was easier to say that he has these troubles on his mind.... I hope that makes sense??
I have been continuing to sell items on Ebay and that is keeping me fairly busy - it all helps. I have loads of collectibles which has taken me years to collect and now I just think, the more I sell the more things we can have! The trouble is - I start looking to see what other people are selling and I end up buying another collectible because I am then thinking that I might as well buy it because Why Shouldn't I? I am not long on this earth. We are all allowed to think whatever we want, so allow me the time to think of all the stupid things in this world and forgive me if I offend anyone with my crazy thoughts.
I am in a muddle and continue to tie myself in knots but do feel less stressed at the moment - so I will continue to try and just Breathe In The Sea Air Where I live and For A Short Moment Forget Cancer Ever Came Into my Life!
I have known for one month that I have Kidney Cancer and at present it is still in my body. How I wish we belonged to BUPA !
11 August 2010.
