I had mysecond taxotare nearly 3 weeks ago and have never felt so ill, before that i really enjoyed going into the chat room and chatting to everyone but i have felt so bad i havnt wanted to as i didnt want to bore everyone with my moaning. I just need to talk or write how i feel. I had my second taxotare nearly 3 weeks ago,the first few days werent to bad but then i got an infection in my hickman line, the hospital gave my antibiotics and have felt realy bad since then, i have no energy (i know taxotare causes fatigue but this is much worse), my temperature keeps going realy high, have no apitite, feel sick all the time, generally feel very ill and im due for my 3rd chemo on friday which i am dreading, last friday i started shivering my whole body was shaking and it lasted for over an hour and half,was quite scary. I just feel so depressed but know i shouldnt as there are so many people worse of than me, i am also worrying that when treatment finishes they will tell me it has gone somewhere else. I dont know why as i have coped realy well i have never let the fact i have cancer get me down,its always been Oh well never mind just got to get on with it, I dont know whether its the taxotare, infection or the antibiotics thats making me feel so ill. I just want to feel normal again and stop being such a misery. Sorry for boring anyone that reads this, just needed to moan and think probably my family must be getting fed up with listening to me. My husband has been great but i feel guilty that he is going to work then coming home and doing everything. Surely with only 1 chemo and 1 month radio to go i should be feeling alright so dont know why i am feling scared about the future.Hope i can soon start feeling better and can get back in the chat room as i realy miss you all. Sending lots of hugs Carol xxxxx
FormerMember
I don;'t think this is called moaning at all, just telling it like it is. This is a place where we should all feel we can be honest. Sometimes we have to pull punches for our families and friends. Here you can be yourself, right now, and share your burden. What is happening to you at the moment is enough to depress anyone! All these infections are dreadful. My partner's Mum says, You come out with more than you go in with these days!, and both times this year she has had day-patient treatment, she has picked up horrible bugs. They really get you down anyway, without having chemo, ancillary medicines, and drugs to try to exorcise the infection. I understand your guilt at husband going to work then having to come home and work again. For two months when I was having concomittant RT/Chemo it was like that in our house, with my partner making breakfast, making me something to nibble throughout day and lunch, then cooking dinner when he got home. He was no chef! I could hear the swear words and crash of my crockery as he did his best, poor guy. I tried to comfort myself by telling myself I would get better and by the thought that up until then I had worked 8 day shifts and always come home and cooked the dinner. However I still felt guilty, frustrated and - yep, sometimes very downhearted. Please Carole, try to have faith that this is just a phase, a horrible one, that you are going to get through. You are going to be back there chained to that kitchen sink again (there! that's cheered you up already!), and that in one month's time all these horrible chemicals will start to leave your system, taking with them the cancer, and you will be a new woman! Please don't ever feel too dispirited to come into the Chat Room. You never know, we might even make you smile again. It is perfectly ok to tell people you are not feeling good, and to share your problems. The Chat Room isn't just for chat - it's for real, meaningful connections between people who understand.
I'll post a message on your other forum that your blog is here, as, no, I haven't the foggiest how to transfer. You're doing better than me Carole - not unknown for me to type my whole piece then catch my "Alt" button and every word vanish! PS If you would like to, please message me if you are feeling low. I am usually not far away. xxx Penny
Hi Carol, We haven't met before but I've just realised you live in the same neck of the woods as me!
I'm sorry that you are having such a rough time at the moment but it will soon be over and you can get on with living your life again, please don't let those dark thoughts take over, they are not worth the brain space! Life is what you make it ey... lots of hugs and kisses, Bambina xxxxx
Sorry about the way you are feeling right now, but it will pass. Don't be scared to let it all out - screamming does help. I can only agree with everthing our Penny has written she is a great person. I would like to send you a we hug to help keep you going. lol xx
Thankyou Bambina for your kind reply its knowing people are out there that makes everything much better,I decided to give myself a good kick up the bum and stop feeling sorry for myself, I only have 1 chemo to go and 25 radio so even if i do get bad effects its only for a couple of months. There are so many people alot worse of than me. Please give my love to your mum and hope things will get better for her. Hope to speak to you in the chat room sometime. I live between Woolwich and Bexleyheath. Thanks again sending lots of hugs and kisses to you and your mum. Carol xxxxx
