My mum is the strongest, kindest most unique person I know, she is also my best friend, the only person who has stood there and told me "you can do this" no matter how bad things have gotten, even when I told her at 17 that I was pregnant and she just said oh well you'll be great at it and there me in tears thinking she's going to throw me out or something!
I was told June last year my mum has cancer for the 3rd time, this time its lung cancer and she's going to die, we don't know how long she has left my mum doesn't want to know, one day, one week, one month at a time that's what she says.
She was on tablets that helped, but now she's just had her 2nd lot of chemo and for the first time I can see her getting down and struggling, I know she's been in pain, I know its happening, but its the first time its felt real just really completely real. I'm struggling. I'm really struggling not to cry every time I'm near her, not to break down in front of my kids.
I'm behind with all my studying and my housework, I just can't bring myself to do it and now I feel worse than ever like I'm drowning in everything and I'm just so scared that if I'm like this now, what am I going to be like when she's gone?!
I'm sorry to whine on, but I just needed to talk, I needed to let it out somewhere because I don't feel like I can talk to anyone and it feels like its eating me up inside.
