The truth

OK I do not want  to try to  try to deny anyone the right to speak out or voice their own concerns  regarding Cadee, but do feel that the more we discuss this issue the more she will enjoy the attention, maybe the main motivating force behind her deception.

Got a couple of comments to make:

I do not go in chat or even mac as much these days, main issue for me is the new site software, know that the Chat software has been improved. Maybe too I feel less need for support now than I did previously - not really sure because I do have a debt to repay by supporting others who need it like I did once. Sorry main point about chat is lets not condemn chat as being the cause or the sole magnet to attract 'Trolls' its not, they can creep out of the woodwork and post blogs and even attract friends on Face Book

The Mac Site is a special place, its there to support anyone who need help dealing with cancer and its related effects, the last thing I want is someone who has just heard those words 'its Cancer' having to fill in pages of personal detail before being allowed to post or share news of the Crap Hand they have been dealt. I cannot see a way of ensuring someone has been affected cancer, if its a patient - do we wait till they get a medical reference, if its bereaved relative do we have to see a death certificate, ok no point going on, know most of you understand - when people need this site - then they need this site now !!

I understand this will lead to Fakes and Trolls coming on the site and getting support, but again as has been said - I would rather support 99 fakes than risk turning my back on 1 genuine person, but life has taught me to stand back a bit, if I suspect but have no proof I would not try to expose them, but would warn my closest friends I have confidence in. I am have been as gullible as anyone, I was the first guy to pain his nails pink for 'Charlie’s Funeral' and shed some real tears when she Died - but I learned, I was warned about the suspicion about Cadee from a few trusted sources and did distance myself.

 Final point and promise I will shut up soon, if you have a friend you trust and have known for some time and they risk confiding their suspicions with you, trust them, make up you own mind by all means but never turn around and expose in public what has been told to you in private, when you have no more 'Proof' the person being mentioned is genuine than the other person can 'prove' they are fake. Sometimes inner feeling have to be listened to. Yes I know its Admins job to sort the wheat from the chaff, but at times it’s hard for some to see others that they trust being sucked in and not try to warn or caution. 

Do agree that Claire deserves an apology; her strong suspicions were right and were motivated from nothing other than from concern for her long term friends but got vilified for it,

Hugs Guys XX

To Everyone

To those who dont know me, I am the Claire that is mentioned here.

Firstly, thankyou to all of you who are showing your support to me and I am grateful for your loyalty, very much so.

However, an apology would do little to be honest, its way too late for a half hearted 'sorry' now, given only because of peer pressure. I neither want one nor need one. I have no problem with anyone who simply believed Cadee and not me - and for the record, the only reason my disbelief of Cadee became public all those months ago was because a certain person chose to try to crucify me in public. You know who you are, and who's sorry now eh? I had very valid reasons for disbelieving, along with Sniffsnoop also, that Cadee's elaborately tragic story was nothing but that, a story. Not accepting our reasons is one thing, personal, harsh insults and accusations thrown back are another.

Me? I dont use this site these days - tho for over two and a half years I was here daily, 24/7. I know how important it is. So because of that, I hope those who still do use this site will now learn from this, put it behind them, and move on. Cancer is an evil bastard, dont let it take away your belief in the human race too, for most people here really dont want to be and they need your support. Just, keep your eyes open, thats all

Claire x x x

Some of you may know that I was heavily involved in supporting PJ for the past year.  I am not writing this to defend anyone.  My motive is quite simply to state some facts for the record and hope that others who have written some very negative and dare I say, nasty, posts, may pause and think.

I met PJ in chat.  We became friendly initially as she was supporting me in trying to come to terms with my mum’s terminal diagnosis.  She continued to support me with compassion and sympathy the whole way through that process… allowed me to cry, to laugh, to be morose, to be angry, and helped me find peace… every day she supported me all the way up to my mum's death last week.

I spent a considerable amount of time with PJ.  I read to her, sang to her and comforted her.  I was in contact with her via text, email and through webcam when she was ‘at home’.  I did have some suspicions that some of what she told me was at worst fabricated and at best exaggerated, but at no time did I doubt that she was a cancer patient. Perhaps that means I am stupid or naïve or foolish… but I would far rather be accused of that than be accused of having ignored someone who reached out to me for mutual support.

PJ never made any financial gain from me.  She never asked for nor accepted the offer of money. I got as many gifts as I gave. I never saw her laugh at anyone who was suffering.

I was unaware that any accusations of falsehood had been made against PJ until this week.  So oblivious was I of any doubts over her, in December last year I asked another site member (h1966) to help me in supporting her.  H1966 supported PJ because he felt it was the right thing to do and because he wanted to lessen the pressure I was feeling at that time.

As it turned out, I was the first to confront her directly.  When I did so, and asked her to tell me the truth, she did so without hesitation.  She didn’t try to defend or deny anything she had said or done.  She was frightened and relieved that it was over.

I have spoken to her parents.  They were totally unaware of any of this and are understandably devastated and concerned for their daughter.  They have been proactive in bringing their daughter to the local police, contacting Mac Admin., having her Facebook account deleted and withdrawing her access to the internet. They are taking her to her doctor first thing tomorrow, hoping to access the support she clearly needs to deal with all of this.  They are loving and caring parents who are both appalled by what she has done and devastated that she ever felt the need to do this.

She absorbed lots of emotional support and I find it difficult to believe that she could have absorbed all that she did in the absence of a compelling need.  If we had not supported her over this period of time perhaps she may have harmed herself and I am proud that, as a community, we kept her safe.  Her internet access has now been withdrawn and she will be given the help she needs in the correct place, i.e. not here.

I am NOT trying to diminish the damage that PJ has done to the Mac Community.  I have been damaged by this experience too.  I sacrificed time with my children, my mother and my wider family when I chose to prioritise PJ.   But… It Was My Choice.  Nobody forced me to do anything I didn’t want to do.  I reached out to a person who needed me and supported her.  Even now, less than a week after my mum’s death, I am proud of who I am and how I responded to a person who needed help.

I can understand people's anger.  My reaction when I found out on Thursday night was unprintable.  I am still very disappointed at the way my trust was betrayed.  But being angry isn't going to help matters, nor change the fact that PJ is clearly an extremely troubled young woman.  Not all mental illness ends in suicide, but some of it can be just as devastating in its effects.  She is going to have to live with having done this for a long time to come.

We need to learn from this.  We need to stick together.  I am not participating in a witch-hunt regardless of what anyone else does.  She is a very vulnerable wee girl who needs help... not our help... but help.  She knows this as do her parents.  Yes, I am angry and upset and disillusioned, but... she is not evil personified.  I have agreed to stay in touch with her Mum - NOT her - with her Mum, simply to reassure myself that she is getting the help and support she needs.

Finally, can I ask one thing?  New people are joining here daily... we need to keep the focus on people who are ill and who need information and support.  Please don't let us turn on each other, let us not waste the energy.

Hugs to all,
Annie.
xxxxxx

Well said Jan, and thank your admitting you were wrong at that time, that shows a lot of courage, inquests and post mortems do nothing to retain the Mac Family spirit and as you say - we are all here to support all who ask for support, but lets all keep our personal information just that, personal !

If we did not make mistakes then we would not learn, the lessons are hard at times, but they do make us stronger and each troll is balanced by a 1,000 genuine people that gain from sharing our support and love, so lets be a bit kinder to each other  and learn from our mistakes.

Even Loving families had spats at time, the real secret is do not rush to judgments, to take time out and consider the nature of the person suggesting something is wrong.

Love and Hugs to All, Stay Strong, Stay Together, and Keep Caring - Most Times you will be right, its the best feeling in the world to know you may of made a difference, so many have done that for me - Thank You One and All XXX