Consumed by cancer -it's taking over my life

I really don't know what I did before this diagnosis but I feel like I'm on a treadmill that I can't seem to to get off.

Everyday I'm on a forum reading about cancer and how people are coping with surgery, chemo and radiotherapy. I've read Victoria Derbyshire's diary on my Kindle, watched her YouTube videos and even tweeted her and got a reply Slight smile.

I've joined a local Facebook cancer group and linked up with people who I have mutual friends with. I'm in contact with a lovely lady I started chatting to right at the start when we were both waiting for results. We've swapped numbers and message each other most days, offering support and just a friendly ear knowing the other knows EXACTLY how we are feeling.

I'm researching wigs and looking up turbans and scarves and how to tie them. I'm making lists of things I might need for after surgery (button up shirts) and preparing myself for  chemo.

I'm meeting up with friends I haven't seen for a while (Covid ) and still shopping, cleaning and doing the mundane stuff. 

My head is constantly full of thoughts of cancer and when I'm with family I have to consciously make myself talk about something else.

I know this is my way of dealing with things and once my surgery is done and chemo starts my brain will slow down. 

Anonymous
  • Same here. I have to admit to being a bit of a research junkie myself, but I must live under a stone sometimes as I hadn't seen the Victoria Derbyshire videos before. I found them very enlightening. Wish I had seen the one about the operation before I had my operation (s), as it dispelled nervousness of operations I thought by explaining that reconstruction doesn't always have to hurt as much as I imagined it might. I like to know exactly what I'm up against, but appreciate that others may not.

  • Just watched the radiotherapy video which has given me more confidence. It is difficult when all this treatment is unknown. Have a telephone appt on Monday to discuss after being referred by Oncologist.

  • Hope your telephone consult goes ok. Victoria Derbyshire makes it look easy - I’m sure she hard dark days too but she remained positive throughout. It’s given me confidence to do this Two hearts

  • Thank you,

    I've found it really difficult to focus when I've been reading, but I'mgoing to look at Victoria Derbyshire's YouTube videos now.  Hoping it will make me feel more comfortable about my upcoming radiotherapy.

  • I just bought some Button up jammies! Think this is just such a mentally draining time, you're right it's all consuming. I know I have to sleep for my own good. But my eyes just pings open against my will most nights despite aromatherapy! I also try not to keep it dominating my conversations but just so difficult to do

    I am hoping that during chemo I would get signed off. But will still log on to keep a foot in at work (WFH) and can get some 'normality and focus'

    Just watched VD on you tube. Her account is frank and practical, I don't know how she holds back the tears!

    C x