My Mum was diagnosed with bladder cancer 3 weeks ago now and it has been a very emotional time as we walk along the path towards her op.
She is 91 and is obviously fearful about her physical ability to cope with whatever lies ahead but at the same time she shows a remarkable strength of character. She has been for her pre-op assessment which I know she found quite gruelling as they covered 9 decades of health matters! I was impressed by the thoroughness of the process but am still concerned the anaesthetic poses a very real risk due to her age and other conditions - angina, raised blood pressure etc. I know it's all a balancing act as you consider what the outcome of NOT having the op might be but sometimes the thought processes get so overloaded it's difficult to think rationally.
She had her scan yesterday which passed off reasonably well and my Other Half and I took her out for a meal in the afternoon to help cheer her up. However this morning a letter has arrived from the hospital giving her the date of her op so she naturally feels things are moving towards an event she simply want to blot out. She has no symptoms from her cancer at the moment so it's as if she feels the op isn't a necessity and she wants to be left alone thinking things are as they were before the diagnosis. She obviously knows the op is important as she will also say things like 'Oh well, what will be will be' etc but the sight of her scared and sad face is absolutely heartbreaking.
I have found myself almost at a loss to know what to say. I wish with all my heart I could tell her everything will be fine but I know that I simply don't know. I've been saying we must just concentrate on dealing with the 'immediate' and have been desperately trying to avoid the 'what if' scenarios which creep up in the middle of the night or at a time when you feel your strength of mind is very weak. Is this the right way to go? I just don't know as this is uncharted territory for both of us and I also have to remember that whatever fears or sadness I feel it is so much worse for my Mum.
Her op is on the 19th May and it's a date that has now imprinted itself like a branding iron on my brain but it is a while away and in the meantime I'm going to try and keep a sense of normality and routine for both of us. I have been taking her out for drives in the car and cups of tea and cakes at favourite places so if she is well enough then that will continue. I remain positive in front of Mum and am happy to talk when she wants to but 'normal' seems such a long time ago and yet I know it was only 3 weeks.
I will be back with updates. as the next few weeks progress
