As I wait to start treatment, and get verbal and anxious about what is to come, I look around this amazing site and read many of the posts! When I was posting to a fairly small extent over 3 years ago, I was consumed with grief while looking after my dying man. Even then, I was aware that there were whose life situation was so awful compared with mine. The practicalities of my situation were not extreme, as a life long health worker, I could cope easily with that. It was the emotional and mental stress that drained. I marvelled at the courage and resilience and humour of those whose situations were really awful.
And even now, although I am have this vile plague, my situation is not that bad. So, I am blessed. I'm not I'll or in pain, although this Hiccup line is a bit of a pain in the neck!
Everything seems to be moving quite smoothly.
I do miss that other person at home in the quiet moments....just someone to make a cuppa, or that idle chat that says nothing and everything! That someone you do nothing with! When my husband was diagnosed with his cholangiocarcinoma, I remember turning to him in bed in the wee small hours, and putting out and hand to feel his flesh, wondering how long I would be able to do that. Rolling against him and smelling his familiar and dearly loved smell, I love the smell of beloved flesh! I can bury my nose and sniff with ecstasy. I remember clearly his smell!
My situation seems so much less dire than most here now, so I feel blessed. And slightly guilty that it isn't worse! God is so good to me, I feel His love and comfort all the time. He reassures me with His own word, and those of others when I least expect it. I am provided with delightful people along the way to chat to and share experiences with. We are strange creatures. These are just musings. The morning is gorgeous, the patio doors are open, and a coffee beckons, again, with the paper in the sun. Sufficient unto the day.....
