So I have survived the Danish surgeon with the" its cancer", "its not breast cancer", "its a neuro-endocrine tumour so we just have to remove i"t, "no it is breast cancer after all so you have to have chemo and radiotherapy after all"!!!
;I've survived the ever so sympathetic chemo nurse who with her head attached to her left shoulder told me I might be laughing now but I won't be when my hair falls out in clumps and I NEED a wig and the cold cap would be too difficult, time consuming and might lead to metastasis in my scalp!!!
I've survived the cold cap that wasn't very cold and the ever shrinking veins that meant I had to have a second canula fitted half way up my arm. And the only hair falling out so far is down below!
.I've survived the getting on the wrong bus home so it took me round half of central Scotland on the other part of the circular tour before I got to my hometown resulting in my sickness getting worse with every extra mile so that by the time we got into town I had to be sick - 2 seconds before the bus doors opened and for three more minutes into a cigarette infused litter bin outside the town hall before I walked across the park to my washing machine and shower!
I have survived 2 weeks of near normailty- teaching the moral dilemmas of capital punishment; the intricacies of SIkh family life; the horrors of street children's lives in Bogota and the commitment of Christian charity workers; the significance of Rememberance Day;the challenges of conscientious objection and the way the 3 poisons of greed, hatred and ignorance lead us to selfish perceptions of our lives and their significance - whilst dealing with extra curricular lunchtime football sprained ankles, highland dance competition and examinations in different parts of Scotland, two blown dipped beam headlights and a 21st birthday party!
SO why am I now getting weepy and irritable when the next week should be just more of the same?Everything is unsatisfactory I know Buddha said but equally everything is impermanent so none of these experiences will last. The teaching for this monthis anatta - there is no Self. You don't live in a vaccuum, your experiences influence all of those around you and why should you get an easy ride? Who says life should be fair? Who do you really know who has lived 90+ years of a very fair life and did they enjoy it or was it just boring?? Roll on chemo 2
