Can anyone advise please?!!!

Less than one minute read time.

When my mum was first diagnosed with bowel cancer a few months ago, I thought that once the shock of it all had passed and the operation done that would be the hard part. Now she is going for chemotherapy to make sure that the cancer is completely eradicated. Now I'm not so sure which is the hard part! Like a roller coaster you get over the first hill and as you head down the other side another one looms. I'm told that while she is having chemo, not just the obvious occurs i.e. hairloss, tiredness etc. But, the more deeper emotional changes occur like memory loss, mood swings perhaps, it makes me nervous almost scared to call her incase she can't remember who I am or is a total stranger.

If anyone who reads this has experienced what I am facing with my mother please tell me what to expect!!!

 

Anonymous
  • Hello Brian,

    Try not to worry too much - that's easier said than done I know. Chemo affects people in different ways and sometimes it isn't as bad as you may have feared.

    I am having 12 cycles of FOLFOX chemo to clean up after bowel cancer and am due to have no. 5 on Monday. Although it is not nice for me it has been bearable so far, but I am a great believer in knowing what can and cannot happen so that I am not scared by any side effects and in some circumstances lessen their impact.

    To address some of your fears I can tell you that for me the changes you mentioned have not been too difficult i.e. I have not lost my hair; I can be scatty but I certainly know who is who; yes I can go up and down with my moods but not to the extreme.

    What has helped is having my husband and family close to me and gently accepting how I am feeling - I am sure you can do that for your Mum.

    Hopefully others will respond to this post and reassure you that it is not usually as frightening as you might expect. The Nurses and Doctors at my chemo suite are amazing and respond to any problems however small so that I feel very secure, hopefully your Mother will have the same back up from her hospital.

    Hope this helps a bit.

    Love to you and your Mum.

    Cathie x

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    Hi Brian,

    Please don't worry - from my own experience I don't think for one moment it will be anything you cannot cope with.  Your mum is naturally likely to be depressed at the loss of her hair but it does grow back and in the meantime she can use a wig - which can looks better than the original hair.  The steroids given with chemo can put weight on.

    You will certainly not be a stranger.  The memory loss is an awareness that you are not doing things as quickly or accurately as possible.  I constantly had to remind myself to check what I was cooking.  I left part of the prepared ingrediants out on the side and had to pull the dish out of the oven and add them.  Long as your mum realises this is just what we call "chemo brain" and does normally get better she will as I did laugh it off - but it can be very worrying at first if you think you are losing your marbles. You just get used to listening to your body and resting when you feel a bit tired.  Your mum will have to drink plenty of fluids - so get the kettle on.

    What she might experience is some loss of feeling in her hands and will have to be very careful when lifting things especially when cooking.  Our dinner has landed on the floor before now!

    I was more emotional - that's natural with the changes going on in your body and the having to change routine - a feeling of not being in control of the situation.  With hindsight I would have got a blood pressure monitor as I avoided going to see my doctor, being fed up with so many hospital visits, that my blood pressure was being ignored.  My pulse rate was so high that I collapsed - BUT this was personal to me and not as a result of the chemo.

    Your mum will be given a key nurse.  Mine is a lovely MacMillan nurse who never failed to answer any of my concerns.  

    I did have a different picture of having chemo in my head.  In the end it turns out to be not much more difficult than having a normal drip in hospital and the length of time is the biggest problem.  As for the sickness I was horrendously sick the first time but a change of sickness tablets did the trick.  

    If your mum can use a computer she can always pop into chat and there is usually someone there who can relate to what she is going through.

    Best wishes,

    Jan x

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    Hi Brian,

    Your Mum certainly will not forget who you are!  However, she most likely will have to learn pay far more attention to the important things.  I have been known to put a cake in the oven and leave ingrediants still on the side.  I have left gas rings on so a smoke detector is a good idea.  As long as your mum realises this is normal and not her losing her marbles and does get better she will be ok and will eventually learn to laugh at the silly mistakes.

    I did drop things as I lost a certain amount of feeling in my hands - but you learn not to fill up pans too much etc and adapt.  I did have a huge casserole land on the floor taking it out of the oven.  If your mum is in to batch cooking then I suggest you visit and help take out the large filled dishes from the oven.  I find having a casserole ready made I can just microwave is very handy.

    There could be mood swings - but not to the extent you imagine.  Yes there will be up and down days.  It is a more a feeling of loss of control with having to fit your life around the chemo sessions and doing things slower than you want.

    I have a lovely key nurse who I can contact whenever I have a problem.  If your mum is concerned about anything or just wants to speak to someone in a similar position there are the chat rooms on here.  Hospitals often have MacMillan Centres attached and the volunteers are great.

    Take care,

    Jan x

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    Now this is a good example of chemo brain - I typed the first reply and it didnt appear so I retyped to find the first one there.  Grrrrr.  See you just have to laugh.

    Jan x

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    Hi Brian,

    No matter what the treatment she will always be your Mum and you will always be her son. Hope your Mum is ok.

    Take care and be safe Sarsfield.