Sorry crap line from the Lion King that keeps creeping into life.
Did I mention that he probably has brain mets? that he has had a minor stroke? That the house is a tip, that I am trying so hard to hold it together and failing badly????
I was doing OK but am having a crap evenign (probably due to the near bottle of wine I have drunk)
Feeling shit, feeling scared and angry again. What is it with the anger? I could rip people's head off when they try to be kind and do the "I know" great aunty flo had such and such and made a miraculous recovery/died in a month etc.
Its not their fault but it makes my angry. Sad too but mostly angry. In the mos ttruly selfish way why do I care what happened to them, this is happening to me, us, him, now. On the more real level how does this relate to us? On the most with it moments... this person is trying to be nice and offer empathy sympathy and general care. Even when I need it so badly I feel I am rejecting it, closing in.
Sorry for the rant, one of those dark moments crept up and bit me on the behind.
I really do appreciate the care and love that surrounds us, but resent finding out how much he is loved by those who matter (ie those on here, friends and definaelty not his sons namely the stepshits) only when it it is so difficult. Maybe they only just realised how much they love him, rather like I have when it seems he will be whipped away.
He drives me mad and always has done, but that is one of the things I have always loved about him. Madness grows on you!!
