Outsider Looking In - Coming to Terms

How do we come to terms when the one we love the most is no longer here? Walking around the house and seeing things which constantly remind us of them. The agonizing pain that we feel, the exhaustion that has been exerted onto us, sometimes we feel like there is no escape. That’s how I felt anyways. Every time I go to the same spots that me and Sheila went to in London, I could burst out and cry. This narrows down to two main reasons; sadness because you’re not here and happiness because I remember all the joy you brought me. So, the main question is, where do we go from here? The routine changes, not receiving long phone calls or cute daily text messages anymore, not hearing you play your guitar or hear you sing or hear your laugh. So, how did I come to terms? Well at first you don’t, I still think I am now which is why I’m writing this blog. I don’t think that I could ever come to terms with the fact that you, an angel, could ever get taken away from us. But sadly, humans are not invincible. What did I do to come to terms?  

I got myself a journal, I wrote down how I felt on a day-to-day basis. It also helped me reflect, something that I didn’t do as often.  

I checked up on other family members to see how they were coping.  

I took myself on long walks, surrounding yourself with nature is the best option. Being surrounded by beautiful surroundings can really help clear your mind and help you focus on some of the positives. 

I took up a hobby. Sometimes we need to occupy our mind to help with our mental health. Although mental health is extremely important, so is our physical well-being. I decided to join the Zumba. It was such a positive atmosphere and I enjoyed it so much, it helped me realize my purpose again.  

I started to eat healthier- one other aspect that made me feel good.  

I spoke to people about how I felt. This is something that you MUST do. Emphasis on the MUST. Get things off your chest, don’t bottle it up inside. My initial thought was that I was a hindrance to everyone, but there are people out there who want to help you and are there to support you. At first talking about Sheila made me cry so much and it was so hard to talk about her. But the more you talk the easier it gets, not at first, slowly but surely.  

https://www.macmillan.org.uk/?gclid=EAIaIQobChMIxqjpjYvb7gIVmpntCh0EfgQCEAAYASAAEgLWjvD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds  

https://togetherall.com/en-gb/  

https://turn2me.ie/landing/support-groups/adults?gclid=EAIaIQobChMImb7bqIvb7gIVh-_tCh3GYQD8EAAYBCAAEgIlWvD_BwE  

https://www.cancer.net/coping-with-cancer/finding-social-support-and-information/support-groups  

I also researched how to cope, people join support groups where they can move forward together and help one another. I have posted some groups which may help you and some other people. I have also posted some online communities which may help you. Talking to strangers can be beneficial and they are big steps which help you cope after losing a loved one.  

Again, as I say I am always a message away. Like I said in my last blog ‘Grief is love, just the love we cannot give’.  

Anonymous