its been 6 months since mum died, I feel like I have been living life on a helter skelter, for the first few weeks it didnt really hit me, then I went so down, I didnt think I was ever going to get out of the pit, i saw the doctor she gave me pills and they dint really help, said I was feeling better, meant to be going to see a councillor on Thursday. Shes not going to able to bring Mum back,
I want the world to stop, so I can stop, i feel that I dont get the time just to stop and think about my mum, its like youve had 6 months you should be over it now, Im not I want to get her picture in my head, iam always disturbed by somebody I want to feel my mums arms around me and telling me everyrhing is going to be ok, but thats not going to happen, and thats so hard for me to understand
Ive been here before when my dad died, but I dont think it was this hard, I cant remember it was over 18 years ago, but then we had mum to look after and maybe that filled the time, I cant remember,
I have not smoked for 6 months, I made mum a promise I would give up, I have put on loads of weight and now look a round barrell, I go to the gym, walk the dog and still it does not want to go. Mum would be disgusted if she saw the weight I put on, your fault mum you made me give up. i dont miss the cigrattes, well sometimes I do, right now I would love one, Its hard to type with the tears falling down my face.
When my dad dies, i said i never wanted children caus I did not want to put them through the same pain I was in when dad died, shit I wished I had kept to that, I have a daughter, she is beautiful but also a revolting teenager but I still love her, but I am so scared for her
I am sorry I am rambling, I wish it was daylight, I would go take the dog for a long walk just to get out to clear my head.thank you for letting me write i suppose sub conciously I have wanted to write how I am feeling but I had to wait for the right time.
Mummy , daddy whereever you are I love you so much and miss you even more xxxxxxxxx
FormerMember
Beverley, 6 months is no time at all. When my mum died I seemed to be ok for 8 months and then one day it hit me like a ton of bricks falling on my head. I had a few months then where I didn't want to do anything or see anyone and felt as though I was in a deep black pit. I thought I was never going to climb out of that pit but I did. The bond between a mother and daughter is special and as such you feel that loss greatly. I hope that you are not too hard on yourself. Give yourself time. Grieving takes as long as it takes. No-one can put a time on it as each person's grief is diffferent. I found having a nice picture out to be very helpful and I still 2 years on talk to that picture. Now I have my husband's picture out too and talk to him every day. I tell him what I am doing and how I am feeling. I may sound a bit mad but it works for me.
No - 6 months is no time at all and I know how you feel as I lost my lovely mum 7 months ago, leading up to Christmas. I have days when I just want to see her so much and ask her things and talk to her and laugh with her, and I have a beautiful picture of her on the fridge and two in my home office so that I can see her while I'm cooking and while I'm working. I miss the silliest of things - like her smiling with a gentle shoulder shrug, our look between mum and daughter - you know, that special look... I watch things on tele and can't believe that she isn't here to share them with me and I cook her favourite roast lamb and potatoes and feel so sad that she isn't here to say 'ooh that was lovely Han' when she's finished. My daughter finished primary school today and I have had a good cry that my mum will not be around to see her start secondary school in September - they had such a wonderful relationship.
I try to think of all the good times we had together, our holiday in France in 2004 to celebrate her 60th, seeing Barbra Streisand at the O2 in 2007 and all those wonderful times before that, when we were both young. I am proud of myself for stopping smoking too and so should you be - you'll address the weight you've put on when you're good and ready to, so don't worry about that.
Grieve when you want to and cry when you want to - I find a good cry in the car sorts out lots of pain for me. But try to think of how your lovely mum would want you to feel and how sad she would be to see you in such turmoil.
My heart goes out to you - with regard to feeling that people might think or say 'oh it's been 6 months, get on with it' - when my mum was dying, there were people I work with who approached me with tears in their eyes who had lost their mums 5, 10, 15 years ago - we only ever have the one mum and we truly never imagine a life without them in it. I wish you strength and hope that soon there will be more sunshine than clouds in your days and your thoughts of mum will be happy memories of shared good times xxx
