This time is a healer thing isnt working

Hi Becky,

I am really sorry you feeling the heartache, but glad to see you here.

I totally symphathise with you...it doesn't get that much easier, it's just different. I am now used to avoiding many places Simon and I used to go, our favourite walks, our favourite cafes, our favourite shops, our favourite concert halls so I don't feel the raw pain. But I would still like to believe what many people say, which is after 2 years you start feeling normal...

I will be thinking of you next weekend.

Lots of hugs,

Naoko

Becky, it typically takes at least a year to get through the grieving of losing someone so near and so dear.  Please, allow yourself to grieve, but, and this is extremely important, allow yourself to also heal.  

We live and we die.  There is nothing new about that.  It happens everyday, all day, around the world.  You had your father touch your life in a very deep and profound way.  One that many would probably envy.  Honor him, love him forever, find little ways to express your love and care for him.  You will have to fight Becky, to do this when the time is right, which is not just yet for you it would seem.  But once you have gotten through a full year, you need to fight to love and honor, but not wallow.  What would your Dad say to you if he knew?  How would he expect you to deal with this?  What would he want?

I lost my bigger than life father, when I was almost 13.  We had breakfast that morning and poof he was gone, forever.  I spent many years roaming around in a fog and unable to connect with kids my own age, unable to feel joy and happiness because I had this warped idea that if I did that, it meant I didn't need him, didn't miss him enough, didn't, god forbid, love him as much as I should.  That my whole life must be holding a candle for him, (more like a torch!), forever.  It took me a long time to realize that he would be furious with me.  That all he taught me was right there, in my head and in my heart.  He gave me what he was supposed to give me, the tools and know how to live my life and I was in fact dishonoring him greatly by not doing so.

My heart and hugs go out to you and your sister.  For her wedding, tell her to wear something of his, attach a little something to her dress, something wonderful and lovely that will make her feel special and close to him.  You my dear, write your dad a letter, a bunch of them if you have too.  Write all the things you would like to say that are left unsaid.  Its an exercise I know, but I think it might help you express very fully what he meant to you.

I'll have continued interest in your progress Becky.  I have a very special draw to daughters who have lost Dads who were wonderful.  

Lori

( I love the tree/bench you are doing! )

"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass.  It's about learning to dance in the rain!"

Hi Becky, sorry you are feeling so bad.  I can feel your upset.  There aren't any words I can write that will make you feel any better, but know that I am thinking of you.

That is a lovely gesture you have planned for your Dad's birthday.  

Take care. Love, Christine xx

I planted a tree and bench in the cemetery looking out to sea and also towards where my husband worked for 38 yrears. I find great solace sitting there and talking to him. It feels so peaceful and I always feel better when I have visited. I found visiting so very hard at first and had to force myself to go and take flowers, my need was to never have dead flowers around his tree. It is now 3 years, I still cry most nights when I am on my own especially in bed. The pain has eased and I have found a way of carrying on my life without him. I have met another lovely man with many of my darling husbands qualities. He shares my heart with my husband and accepts this as he know's my heart is big enough for the 2 of them. My husband was my soulmate but the last thing he said to me was not to be on my own that I was made for loving. Life go's on and as Lori said you are a testament to all your dad taught you. God Bless and I wish you peace. Love and hugs Julie XXXX

Hi Becky,

I totally sympathise with how you are feeling. I lost my dad on Sept 24th after his battle with a brain tumour. Up until now I was surprised how well I was coping and almost felt guilty as one of the feelings I had was relief that this awful disease wasn't robbing him of anymore of his wonderful qualities. My dad was only diagnosed in April after suffering a stroke in January so I keep thinking how well he appeared this time last year. It is only now when I am on my own that the tears flow and I have such a longing to see my dad, it is hard to accept that I will never see or hear my dad again at least not in this lifetime, I truly believe he must still be around in some way but it is hard to keep this in mind. I had a dream last week were my dad appeared and looked so well and told my that he was okay although he went before he would have choosen to, the dream was so vivid that I wonder if it was my dad trying to reassure me he is okay as just before he went I told him to always hang around if he could. I am an only child and have a beutiful little girl Daisy who doted on her grandad but she is only 2 so it pains me to know she won't form her own memories of my dad but she will certainly know who he is. I think with the run up to xmas it is always a poignant time and although I am looking forward to the magic of xmas for Daisy I am not looking forward to my first xmas without my dear dad but I truly believe he will be around. Take care.

Joolsx