Here we go again

you are so right, nothing about this is simple or easy and yes everything comes with a but, must be the most used word in this dictionary. Anyway, dad goes in tomorrow so we will see!  How are things with you? A x

Hi, not bad dad is better than he was and enjoying the simple pleasure of eating again which is so nice to see.  I think he is worried that now there is nothing fighting the cancer but we all knew it was not a cure just an inhibitor.  I take one day at a time as that is all I can deal with and still try and make the most of every moment with him and as you say wait for that next but.  Hope tomorrow goes okay for your dad and you. Take care Becky x

Hi Ali and Becky

I've not posted for a while. Spent a couple of days with my mum last week. She's so frail though is still up and dressed and pottering around the house all day. No way is she confident enough or able to walk around outside the house without holding on to someone. Very up and down with her food but at least she's not sick now, probably due to taking a regular anti-sickness tablet.

My Dad took her to the door of her hairdressers on Fri, reluctantly stopping on a double yellow line to help her straight from the car and into the salon. 2 women in a 4x4 stopped and mouthed at him because they had to squeeze past! He was stiil upset in the evening when I spoke to him-- I wish I had been there - I'd have given them what for -I bet they double park on double yellow lines outside the school gates so their little darlings don't have to walk too far and they don't have to get out!!!!

I'm finding it all so hard. some days I think she's stable and maybe will pick up a bit, then something will happen and I'm down in the dumps again. Last night I phoned her just before we went out for a meal with some family we had staying for the weekend. My Dad said she was feeling very weak and getting low back pain. I was so worried then and miserable that I probably downed most of a bottle of wine with my meal!

Today she says she's better but I never really know as I'm on the other end of the phone-I think she tries not to worry me as i have a lot going on at home.

My mother in law who came to stay with us a week ago for a hip replacement ended up going in for an emergency thyriodectomy as her thyriod had grown so large that she was having problems breathing. The hip has been cancelled for now but she may stay with us until it's done and then to convalesce! I'll just have to take each day as it comes!

I'm off to see my Mum next Thurs till Sunday again as my husband has taken a bit of time off to be with his Mum.

Ali - my mum has been having regular blood transfusions and they make her feel so much better, so I hope your Dad has a good response to his transfusion and feels stronger too.

Becky - It's very hard for your Dad not having any treatment but 'quality of life' is so important and if he feels better off his tablets then that's a blessing in itself.I still wonder whether I should have pushed harder for my Mum to have some sort of treatment, at least try it. Realistically i know she wouldn't tolerate it, and reading about your Dad's experience has convinced me even more of that. Whether I'll ever be at ease with myself for not putting more pressure on the oncologist, I don't know. My Mum 's still thinking that if she manages to get stronger then they will give her treatment ( this is what they told her) but i can't see it happening really.

Take care both of you and keep strong xx

Friday - the day I cry either out of relief or dispair! Found out last week that they intend to scan dad on wed prior to his next consultant appointment on fri to see if after 3 months on this drug trial there is any change.

I know that it has to be done in line with the drug trial timetable,  BUT WHY CHRISTMAS AGAIN!!!!!! last year our christmas was distroyed finding out things were so bad the day before chrismas, this year we are facing a similar fate if the news is not good.  

I feel so desperate, just wanted them to wait and let us get christmas over with. Trying very hard for the kids to get excited about the time of year but just cant!

Dad's blood transfusion appears to have worked, he is a better colour and has felt a little bit better as well.

His appetite is a lot better than it was so thats good.

Hamster - reading your blog was so familiar, one day at a time is the only way to go.