Grrr! A rant on St George's Day

Hi Jen,

I'm a bit late on this one, but I just wanted to send you some hugs and tell you that I had the same sort of thing when Tom was having is treatment and surgery.  Everyone was so keen to offer help and to tell me they understood what I was going through, but they really didn't.  Being a friend to someone going through an illness like this isn't the same as it being your husband, the one person in your life that you share everything with. Half the time I wanted to scream at them - they used to make jokes out of it. I know its their way of coping but it didn't help me in the slightest!

My sister was brilliant when Tom was in hospital for his chemo and after that with his blood clot, I'd drive home in tears and I'd ring her and she's calm me down.  But then on the day of his operation (major surgery for 8 hours) I texted her to say he'd just gone for his epidural and she wrote back to say "If it makes you feel any better, I have morning sickness" or something along those lines!! It really didn't help as it wasn't the same thing at all, plus we were on tenterhooks as to whether Tom would be able to father children after the op!

Oh and the wannabe doctors did my head in as well - asking about prognosis, and saying they'd researched survival rates and things like that. Just don't want to know!! Those things aren't my husband, he's not a statistic!

I think people just say things without thinking, they want to help, and they say what they think is going to help, but it really doesn't. Friends in Macland have been brill - I think they have played a big part in helping me deal with Tom's illness and my looking after him etc. On here you can get things from both points of view, and also hugs and sympathy and no telling you what to do, which was exactly what I needed, and I hope that you find it here too hun

That's so nice of the man up your road to offer to cook. I found that Tom just wanted bacon sandwiches... and munchies!

If I find a dragon I'll send it your way

Lots and lots of hugs xxxx

Hi Clairlybel

Thanks for sharing your experiences.

And yes, I have been given so much understanding, kindness, love & hugs here in Macland. I don't have to explain myself - everyone just knows. Thank goodness.

You too are invited round the kitchen table. Need to get a bigger table and a bigger teapot, too!

Keep sending those dragons. I'm all fired up ready to deal with them.

Hugs to you, too.

Little Jen XX

Hi Little Jen.... its good to get it off your chest and have a bloody good rant hun.  I have family that are always saying to me, ' ohh your be fine'..  Do they know that horrible fear that surges through our bodies wondering if we are actually going to be here this time next year, the lurch of my stomach when i remember i'm waiting for some results, no they don't, they have no flaming idea.

 No one lays awake with me night after night while i'm wondering all the ' what if's'  etc etc and i can't sleep,   i feel like shouting out to them, do you know just how bad my treatment was,  it was awful, really really awful. I had reactions to every single thing they gave or did to me, they were not there when i saw those massive spiders running at me on my bed, or saw the men hiding in my bedroom waiting to kill me, nor do they have any idea what its like to not be able to take yourself to the toilet, and wet yourself and have to lay in it and not have your clothes changed for 3 or 4 days. THEY HAVE NO FLAMING IDEA WHAT SO EVER.  I feel like slapping them around the face when they say they understand, or that i will be fine, because no one can say that, not even our Onco's know if we will be fine.

When i joined on here i wanted to write and say just how awful my treatment was, and believe me theres a lot more than i have wrote on here, but i was too scared of upsetting any new people, if they thought they might have to go through what i went through it would terrify them, so i kept quiet about most of it. Even my dr's could  not believe the side effects i had.

Sorry Little Jen, i'm ranting now lol....... but i do get sick of these people who say they can sympathise,  as they can't. They say to me now,  well its all over and done with now as i finished my treatment at the end of last year. But no its not all over for me, as i'm still scared, what if it comes back, i have been told that my cancer is more likely to come back, that scares me.  you wait and feel every bump/lump or illness and you think, ' is this it' omg is that a lump etc etc. They have no idea. 

i know we have to keep positive, but sometimes i have to let it out or i feel its strangling me. yes ive kept positive as i have not shrunk into a major depression or given up on life, but i still hurt, still have side effects from my treatment, but they think as you've finished treatment your fine now  so get on with your life.  My treatment left me with heart failure, so im scared all over again, what is my future going to be like, where do i go from here, but there are no answers for me at the moment.  What if my cancer comes back, my heart is already damaged, will they be able to treat me, all this is running round my head every day, but i have to get on with it. Ive no choice. 

So Little Jen, rant away if you need to, it can only do us good, and i'm sorry for ranting on your post hun. All the very best and sending love and hugs,

Honey xx