Grrr! A rant on St George's Day

1 minute read time.

FormerMember

23 Apr 2012

To all those people who have professed sympathy and understanding of my situation by saying, "Oh, remember, I do know what you are going through because I went through this with 2 friends, my aunty's rabbits, Great Uncle Sergei the Meerkat....." I would like to say the following.

No, you don't know. You absolutely do not know. You may have some insight, but you have not been where I'm standing so don't claim otherwise. And don't give me good advice by telling me that Uncle Sergei chose not to have further treatment and wasn't he wise. And this is what you think. Because it doesn't help. It just disappoints me and makes me wonder why I thought you were a friend or friends of mine.

And yes, I am very very angry. You've guessed!!!!

I had emailed a 'friend' last week, updating her on the latest happenings in my husband's situation. I was a bit surprised it took her a while to respond and when she did, she went on about stuff to do with buying her house. Of course I'm interested in what my friends are up to. I'm not so selfish that I want to go on about me all the time, but right at the moment, it is difficult and I'm treacle-wading, though slowly plodding on, thanks to my lovely Mac friends and the nice lady at Maggie's and lovely neighbours. So I do not take kindly to being given details about stuff I couldn't give a monkey's about, when actually what I need is some listening, some hugs, some gentle ideas and someone to just hold my hand a bit.

Phew! Thanks guys. That's better. I am now going to get out my T'ai Chi sabre and do some sabre practice and enjoy it.

Any dragons out there? I'll come and chop off their heads. It's scary old bat time.

Little Jen

FormerMember over 12 years ago

Hi Little Jen

Little is not the right word to describe you my dear!!! You are so right.

Nobody knows what somebody feels like about anything, we are not clones, we all think differently thank goodness.

I stopped talking about any feelings I may have at all to a "friend" at work. She has an answer for everything, and its not what I want or need. I wanted to say to her, I just mentioned it I dont need to be told what to do or think about it, I wasnt asking for your opinion etc etc.......................................

You can have lots of hugs and support from me any time, apart from which you just scared me.....

Careful here comes another dragon.

Hope you now feel a lot better....

Hugs

Respect

xxxxxxx
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FormerMember over 12 years ago

Dear Little Jen,

know exactly how you feel. I sent an e mail to a close relative last week, having a bit of a moan as I was feeling down and in need of a bit of tea and sympathy.

Too long to go into details, but e mail reply was relative said her husband was a bit down as he was well enough to go back to work now!!!!!!!!! He had had a knee replacement!!!!!!

Its not worth the blo....dy bother sometimes. Unless you have been there and done it people dont understand the enormity of this terrible disease on patients and carers.

Take care love jmd xxxx
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FormerMember over 12 years ago

Hi Respect

Good to hear from you. How are things with you?

Thanks for the offer of hugs and support. This is the lovely thing about being here. Mac folks know exactly what's needed. Oh and don't be scared - I am really a very gentle person, but occasionally need to have a bit of a swashbuckle!

Lots of hugs to you, too.

Little Jen XX
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FormerMember over 12 years ago

Hello jmd

I have a big kitchen table and a very big teapot. You are welcome to join me anytime!

You have started me off again! Yes, people and their medical procedures....... Of course nobody likes to have an ingrown toenail, or a needle stuck in their arm or a tooth filling or a health check or a sprained ankle or a bunion removed.......etc etc but you do get over these things.

My lovely man has never once complained, not once. I have watched him climb the walls in pain, struggle to get up the stairs, run to the loo and back all night long, vomit till you thought he can't possibly do that anymore, ease himself in and out of bed because it hurt so much and so on and so on....... I don't have to tell any of you. (These are only the printable bits - it's not for the faint-hearted). And slowly but gradually, it gets harder for him and it can only get worse. (I try to be positive but I am also a realist). The course of chemo, the sessions of radio.......More things to get through. And I sit and wonder how much can a body take.

So yes, jmd, how can anyone understand if they have not been on this journey, with all its twists and turns and confusions and fear and sadness and pain.

But then, they wouldn't have experienced the love, the kind words, the hugs and the cheering cuppa (real or virtual).

You take care, too.

Little Jen XX
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FormerMember over 12 years ago

Hi again,

Things are...... Ok. There is the truth and there is what I tell people!

I felt quite low last week, loads of things to do, but didnt feel like doing them. I felt I was only waiting for someone to knock on the door, so I decided I would go away for a few days. Rang to book a site, and took myself off in my Camper Van for 4 days! I had cross stitch, crosswords, and books, good food and a bottle of wine all packed! I didnt go far away, but I feel much better for it. I dont discuss how I feel with people I know for reasons we both know, already mentioned by yourself, and if I do I tell them the I am ok version full stop.

My dogs and I do have long conversations, they understand, they went through it with me, and I wouldnt be without them right now.

Funnily enough I did speak to a lady when I was out walking with my dogs.when I was away. She had been through similar 5 years ago, she was the one with tears in her eyes as we talked.

Glad your husbands belated birthday party went well. Hope things are not too bad with you and your husband today, hang on in there and treasure every minute.

Respect

xxxx
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