Today I'm on a downer

Morning Angela, hoping your downer has lifted with the support of your friends here but so understandable chuck. Good that we can use this place as an outlet. Inevertable to have these spells but wondering how much your insomnia has affected your usual coping stratergies. Its certainly something you cold do without. Think its worth seeing your doc for some advice? I know from personal experience how lonely those early hours are and how the dark thoughts that you manage to keep at bay in the day crowd in and taunt you. Im trying some complementary remedies at the mo but have the sleeping tabs for when im desperate. Maybe we could start a support thread for insomnia to exchange tips(am awaiting to hear about nutella therapy!!??) Sending you an arm around your shoulders and best wishes for a peaceful mind. I cant wait to hear about the nutella

Hmm that went before I meant it 2 but think you get my drift,Happy days and peaceful nights to everyone, Karen xox

Aww Angela I am sorry that you are having a down day today. Of course you have every right – your family has had more than its fair share of cancer – cancer sucks.  I too have a poor family history with cancer – its probably no consolation though to you :o(  I truly believe they will finda cure for cancer soon – or at least a way to control it – i have heard scientist say that soon we will be reating cancer as if it were another chronic illness like diabetes, arthrtis, Asthma etc – that day can’t come too soon for us all.

The drug trial I was refused on to this year is a new drug which has excellent results – it may be used in the future as a drip twice a year for those women who test positive for BRACA 1 and 2 breast cancer genes as a way of PREVENTING cancer ever developing! There is hope! There is huge amounts of money going into developing new drugs for every type of cancer. They do not give up hope and neither should we.

Maybe you just need to write off today, let your emotions out and then move on. Tomorrow will be different.  We are all thinking about you and understand.

Lots of love Jools xxxx

we all get these downers hun -- keep fighting -- sending big hugs xx

Thank you all my dear Mac friends. I shed another few tears reading your replies but have now had my bowl of cornflakes, had a long lingering shower, put on some makeup and put on my gladrags, so now I feel ready for the world.

I do have some tablets to help me sleep but try not to use them. I usually go downstairs and make a cup of tea or hot chocolate and after an hour I'm ready to sleep again, but not last night.

You're right Carol, it would help if the diagnosis was reached sooner. In my brothers case he was put on a waiting list for a scan which 9 years ago was a 6 month waiting list. It was thought he had a stomach ulcer. He paid to have a private scan, but sadly it was still too late and he died just 4 months later.

My cousin (in-law) is Clinical Associate Professor of Pathology of a hospital in Sydney, Australia. He was in the UK 4 weeks ago and having spoken to him about my circumstances he feels that at my original flexible sigmoidoscopy the nurse endoscopist had taken the biopsies from the wrong place. I had 2 suspicious areas but the biopsies came back normal. 9 months later I am diagnosed with 2 tumours and the blighters had spread to 1 lymph node. I feel particularly sorry for the young people on the site who weren't diagnosed because quote 'people of your age don't get cancer'. Ooooooooooooh don't get me started again.

Anyway Karen, as I have been a really really good girl this morning, perhaps we will get to know the mystery of Nutella. But Andrew, will I want to rush to Tescos and buy a pot or will I be put off it for life???

Thanks again everyone, I'm back to cheerful Angela.

Angela xxxxxx