The last couple of days were going quite good for my wife... then today she started to feel the chemo side effects. It is very scary being only able to sit there watching her in pain. The niurses and staff are fantastic and sympathetic. I have started to become acclimatised to the situation, not happy but accepting it, i am still absolutely petrified. I have noticed hair coming away from my wife just the odd strand, maybe its my imagination but i dont know????  I try to brush them away when she is not looking, she doesnt need anything more to worry about! She knows it will fall out but please not yet, this illness is so cruel and scary.

I have also strated to sort out money coming in and out today and informing relevant people (but not the children yet - they are to innocent , but i will very soon). we used to be money orientated but i couldnt care less now. This has made me reevaluate everything in our life and now realise how precious life is and also how brutal it can be, slapping in you in the face when you least expect it.

we will get through this and my wife WILL get better.... Positivity i have found, is the best medicine for a family. It gives you and everyone else direction, motivation and a light. I make sure im strong and positive when ever i am around people, but every now and then it catches you unanounced, waking in bed hearing the doctors talking to you as if i was still sat with my wife hearing them be honest. I just thank god we have a chance to beat this and i hope god is on our side.