my wife started chemo today she has been put in a trial and is getting standard dose. sofar so good she hasnt felt ill, it is so scary when the docotrs talk to you , they can be so brutal yet caring at the same time, yesterday was a bad day, we had THE TALK for the secondtime my wifes blood pressure dropped to a scarily low amount, i cried which made me angry because i didnt want to cry in front of her, i feel i have to be strong for both her and our children (not that i let her know i was angry). I feel guilty when i get upset because it is ultimately her journey through this and i feel i am taking it away from her when i am sad. I also have started to feel almostnumb today i cant cry anymore, maybe this is acceptance but it also feels wrong. I am dreading tomorrow as we are seeing a councillor about how to tell our beautiful children what is wrong with my wife. It feels so unfair - im sure it does to everyone who goes through this whether patient or not. Im scared when im on my own because i think how my wife is dealing with this, i find it hard to look at the pictures of my children looking so innocent and happy and wondering if they will be happy again, wondering if we will ever get through this and what the outcome will be. Im sorry to go on but this is a way to let it out.(at least i am crying again - now).