Well at least now I know!
The waiting is over and I now know that it is my bowel cancer that has spread. There are nodules in my lungs and also in the space between my lungs and my gullet (close to my aorta). I tried not to get ahead of myself and imagine what treatment I might be offered, although I hoped it would not be chemotherapy. As it happens chemotherapy is currently my only option.
I am totally set against chemotherapy, it makes no sense to me. I much prefer the idea of options which boost the immune system. I have an appointment with an oncologist on 4th January to discuss my treatment. I will listen carefully and then decide what to do.
My treatment options are limited by the nodule which is close to my aorta. I asked what would happen if I didn't have chemotherapy and received a clear response that the cancer will just keep growing. It's anyone's guess how quickly just as it's anyone's guess how effective any treatment might be.
My life so far although full of privelege has also been full of challenge. I am not sure how much fight I have left in me. Now that I face death I am inspired to live my best life while I still can. I feel so well having nurtured myself these past three years on my path to recovering from my original bowel cancer surgery.
I am aware that this journey is mine to take on my terms. As I share my news I am overwhelmed by how much love is out there, such an abundance of generosity. I have a strong sense to give myself six months of alternative healing together with plenty of pleasure, doing whatever my heart tells me, and see where that takes me.
I already have an amazing team of special people I work with, more on that as it all unfolds.
For now it's enough to allow myself time and space to adjust to today's news. All just as Christmas approaches. I feel very disconnected from everything festive, like I am in a different stream, on the periphery.
