We went with dad to chemo clinic today, the Doctor has suggested dad stop the chemo, dad has agreed. I am not totally sure of the reasons why, resistance was mentioned and thats fine if I was 100% that was the reason. Last week we went and Dad had been having issues with his memory and some pains down in the groin area. We spoke about this with the Dr and Dad confessed that he drink 4 Pints of beer a day. I of course know that this is not true its more like 4 pints 2 whiskey chasers and then 4 cans from the off-license. He is an alcoholic in denial. It just seems wierd that the Dr this week has suggested he stop the chemo after the confession last week. You see chemo thins the blood and so does the alcohol, he will never give up the alcohol so I guess for him to avoid spending time in hospital with infections every 4-6 weeks would be to give up on the chemo.
What now? How long can we really have left with him? What do we do when the cancer starts to get bigger again? Does anyone at that hospital realise what a spin this has left us in?
FormerMember
I'm sorry to read about your dad and his situation. It must be a real worry for you all. Is there no MacMillan Nurse or someone similar that you can talk to at the hospital where your dad is? Or how about contacting the nurses on this site? I have found them to be very helpful in my situation.
but I think I am going to come out on Dad's side here!! I don't know how old he actually is but maybe his beers and whisky chasers allow him to feel that he is living his 'normal' life - the way HE wants it to be regardless of everything else.
Being in the great wine making country of New Zealand I love my wine - and at my age of 74 I have no intention of giving up my two glasses a night - why should I?? If it shortens things - so be it - but why live the last years in a miserable state being denied everything one enjoys?? My own family know how I feel and would not dream of persuading me otherwise!!
If I have the wrong end of this particular stick I'm sorry AJ!!!
Look after YOU - carers are so precious - but maybe let Dad control his life unless he is totally incapable in some way.
Your views are valid and I can see your side (and dads) but he has been a heavy drinker all his life, all my childhood memories have been marred by his drunkeness and now that we have a limited time left with him I was hoping he could make the effort to give me and my family some happier memories of time spent with him, just one day would be enough. As is stands, when his cancer takes him from us, my memories not pleaseant, drunken rows which he doesnt remember the next day and it has been this way as long as I can remember.
The chemo was extending his time with us, so I guess I am angry that he is no longer having it and angry that he was messing it up by the volume of drink he consumes inhibiting his already chemo weakened body to the point the doctors think he should discontinue the therapy.
Don't apologise AJ. You are doing what this site is for, 'unloading' feelings. That's what makes this site so wonderful, we are all different, with different backgrounds and experiences but all share this horrible disease in common. I must admit I like Renee's view! I'm sorry that you have sad memories of your childhood and understand why you feel 'cheated' of having some quality time with your dad but it's his body and his choices and he has chosen to continue as he always has. Have you told him how you are feeling? This might be the time to share, even if he won't acknowledge what he has done at least you will know you said what you needed to before he passes away. There's nothing worse than having regrets once someone has gone. The "if only" thoughts can drive someone mad.
I just want to send you a big hug and hope that things sort themselves out for you.
Absolutely you should have replied - I'm so glad you did and I apologise if I offended you. I am reasonably new here but I got the impression that it's a place to unload worries and get other's opinions - as phoenix said above! After all we are all under some sort of stress here but it seems to me like a place where one can accept another's viewpoint - or reject it - and that's cool!!
I completely appreciate what you are saying about your childhood and how harrowing it must have been - alcoholism is a scary and destructive thing. My own childhood wasn't sh*t hot either, though for different reasons, so to a degree I understand what you are saying. Here I must say that it irks me when someone says "I understand perfectly" - because they don't unless they are you and have lived your very personal experiences.
Your Dad is very very lucky that you are around, still caring for him despite the past - I was estranged from my own father for decades but he lived with me and my fami;y when he was taken ill.
So what makes people like you and me remain loyal in the end to someone who has caused us so much grief. In my case a belated realisation as i got older that he DID have some real attributes - so it comes down to choices doesn't it, in the end. You can choose to walk away - or stay - and your Dad is equally entitled to choose his path too - it's his life that you perceive he has mucked up = and his family of course (comes with the territory sadly) maybe he doesn't think he did, maybe he realises how much he has messed up, and maybe he will never share his emotions!! We can't control others, their actions or emotions and just in my humble opinion we need not try!!! It is not our responsibility!
As I said before- please excuse me if my views offend you in some way.
