Felt too awful to post a day 24! Today I went to work for a few hours and whilst I had a major mess to sort out as I have been off for 6 weeks, I felt a little better for going. Cried my eyes out before I went this morning as I cannot get my head round "normal" and work felt too normal for me for now. Tomorrow I will try again and see how that goes.
Problem I have at the moment is I don't want to talk to anyone, i feel drained and unstable most of the time and cannot be bothered to explain this to people who keep telling me "chin up". Being here writing it down really helps me as my thought process seems to get straightened out, I am a logical person and I know that my feelings are completely normal but will I always feel like this? I am starting to get angry as well, angry with old people because they are old and my man never had the chance, angry with myself for not coping, even angry with him for leaving me on my own, if this carries on I shall definitely need anger management classes....
FormerMember
Hi What your feeling at the moment is totally normal...angry because he didn't survive,angry at Doctors,nurses who couldn't make him better....you feel alone and can't be bothered to hold a conversation with anyone....this will pass in time..Don't keep your feelings pent up inside you...you must try to talk to someone ..a close friend ...a relative...or even someone who has gone through the same emotional journey...this does help !! It takes time for the healing process to kick in ...but talking to the right people will help you !!!
Hello. I hope you don't mind that I write back to you. I'm having one of my short sleep nights and your blog came to mind.
I can't see your previous blogs so unable to follow your thoughts and feelings but if it's only day 25 since your husband passed away suddenly then what you are expressing in your writing is certainly 'normal' in my book. You must still be in such tremendous shock. And, I imagine, you must have to re-live that shock very time you wake up.
I can't tell if you will always feel like this or when your your feelings will change - but you will always feel something; regret, sadness, empty space and possibly guilt as you begin to notice other things going on around you. And I guess it's how your mind and body cope with huge range of feelings and emotions that you are going to face over the coming days, months, years that will determine how your own life will work out. What I hope is that at some point you will naturally move into phase where you realise you must now take care of yourself, reward yourself, be kind to yourself for having suffered so much loss and grief. It's too soon to think details but please consider that at some point you will do something or have something just for you.
Just to echo alanh, talking to someone - close or professional - on a regular basis could be helpful, particularly for the long term. Something happened to me 30 years ago which i never spoke about and it came back and bit me about 6 years ago. I cried for months.
And as for the 'chin up' brigade, tell them to check out.....in other words bugger off.
Have also been following your blog and just wanted to add my words of support. I hope that the blog is helping you in terms of expressing the range of emotions that you are going through. As others have said, speaking to someone may also help. Don't feel that you have to explain yourself to those around you. It is your grief and you must deal with it as you see fit. I hope today has been better for you xx
Thank you all for your comments and kind words, I certainly am in shock and mad at the world generally but when people are around I appear to be calm and collected....bottling it up I guess!
