I thought this update would be about settling into active surveillance gaining confidence in my decision and getting on with life. That was the plan. Instead, everything changed in a way I can't see a way past.
Three weeks ago, my wife died very suddenly. No warning, no illness, nothing to prepare us. She went to bed and never woke up. A heart attack.
I didn’t get the chance to care for her at the end. I didn’t get to hold her hand or tell her I loved her one more time. She didn’t get to say goodbye to our children or grandchildren, or to make her last wishes known. The shock of the sheer abruptness is something I can cannot put into words.
I am in a crisis of pain and grief. The loss is unbearable, and the suddenness makes it even harder to understand.
Cancer is a terrible disease, and there are no positives to take from the diagnosis. But it does force you to think about time you have left and how you use it, who you spend it with, what really matters. Losing Marion so suddenly has changed how I see all of that. If there is anything to take from this, it’s the reminder that the people who love you, care for you, and support you might not have as long as you think. None of us truly know our time.
So live well. Be kind. Plan your days with purpose and dignity. Don’t put off the conversations or the moments that matter. Time to do them later is not guaranteed.
I don’t know what the next weeks will look like. I’m writing this because honesty matters, and because some of you will understand this kind of loss.
My PSA dropped again this month to 10.05. I’m noting it here for completeness, not that it matters anymore.
