We get all sorts of reactions from people when they know about my husband’s cancer diagnosis. Some are curious, wanting to know the ins and outs, what stage it is, what treatment he has had. Some are concerned about him, offering to help if he needs it. Some are concerned for him but also for me, as was the case with one lovely friend of mine who wanted to cook us meals all the time. Some want to offer advice or general comments on the performance of the medics treating him, not much of which is usually sensible or particularly useful. One friend I have whose husband has cancer likes to compare notes as she is new to this carer stuff and finds it reassuring to know that our experiences can often be similar. Some really don’t want to know and struggle to say anything at all. Not a problem- there are times when we don’t want to discuss it either. But whatever the reaction everyone with whom we’ve had contact about it has been supportive. Except for one.
Because of his treatment regime Gerry had to cancel several dental appointments so that when he eventually got to see the dentist it had been over two years, and the dentist recommended a visit to the hygienist. All well and good, until the day of the appointment. Gerry can’t climb stairs, so we had requested an appointment downstairs with which the dentist himself had no problem. The hygienist however immediately complained about this. Why did she have to see him downstairs? She had a bad back and her chair was upstairs. Gerry explained that the cancer treatment had left him with wasted muscles and he couldn’t climb stairs any more. Why then, she said, was he standing up if he couldn’t climb stairs. He explained that the chairs in the waiting room were too low and had no armrests, and if he sat in one he wouldn’t be able to get up again without help, especially as he was still recovering from major surgery. What surgery, she demands to know? Surgery to remove his bladder and have a stoma bag fitted, he replies.
I kid you not, her next words were, “Doesn’t that smell?”
Only if he removes it and throws it at you, you ignorant woman. ( Not my exact thoughts, but I’m too polite to write what I really thought of her)
