It's not just the cancer! It's the loneliness too, it's the world carrying on having fun whilst I weep, it's the practical things I don't have the ability to do, it's the stress of my limited finances, the inability to pretend I'm still me, the confidence that left me, the fear that controls me & the deep sadness I now seem to keep.
I'm trying to heal physically but I'm not healing mentally…
Months down the line from first diagnosis, I am now at the radiotherapy stage. Up until now I had not asked many questions about my type of cancer, I have never researched it in books or on the internet & I could not even bring myself to even look at any leaflets (of which there are many as everyone involved in your treatment seems to want to give you a leaflet). You see, I just wanted to curl up in a ball & wish the…
After being told by my surgeon that at some point through my treatment I would be prescribed Tamoxifen & because I take several other medications which include antipsychotics, antidepressants & tablets for anxiety, I decided to research whether my other medications would work well with Tamoxifen & the side effects of Tamoxifen.
There are lots of medical journals & research papers that can be accessed on the…
The day of the operation; lumpectomy & lymph node removal, I went through a mixture of fear & anxiety, I cried lots & got myself into a bit of a state but also wanted to push forward & get it over & done with; in all honesty the operation was the easy bit, the radioactive dye injection beforehand was painful, but overall, after waking up from the operation, I felt fine, a little drowsy, but virtually pain free (morphine…
I hear voices, I have heard voices since a child. These are not internal voices in my head, these are external voices, as if someone is just behind me or within the same room as me, but they can't be seen, just heard. As a child they frightened me, I was afraid to be alone or go to bed; I was raised in a very religious household so voices that I said I heard were just accepted as spirit; basically I was told it was…
